Posts Tagged ‘life’

Finding Treasure Among The Trash

In divorce, life, relationships, single mom on April 11, 2017 at 2:16 am

My one-year divorce-aversary is coming up quickly.

It’s made me stop to think about the year and overall, it’s been a rough one.

Every time I thought I had things under control, life would pull the rug under me and laugh saying, “Not so fast, blondie.”

There were some moments in which I thought—I just can’t do this. Many moments. The feeling was overwhelming, but then suddenly, I turned a corner. Not that I don’t sometimes feel defeated about caring for myself and my daughter on my own…not that I don’t look at my bank account and think, “When does it get better?” because I do… a lot.

Not that I don’t think, when another issue comes up with my ex, “What now?”

But that I believe wholeheartedly that I will manage it. Somehow, I managed when I thought I couldn’t during numerous moments throughout this year. And honestly, out of the three years we have been done with our marriage, this one was the hardest by far—proving that no two divorce journeys are alike.

And here it is spring. A time of new growth. A time of warmer sun. A time of longer days.

And for the first time, I will be without my child for six whole nights.

Originally when we split, we shared her time 50/50, and it was challenging making a life for myself when she was gone with dad. Then as her dad started to take less and less and less time with her, suddenly, it was the two of us again, attached at the hip just like we had been when I was a stay-at home mom.

I’ve never been apart from my daughter for this long. I’ve never missed the chance to dye eggs or see the bunny in time for Easter. It’s this time of the year that I am most sentimental about missing my stay-at home days with her… she just turned six and I still remember those days…the ones rocking her in her chair, her nursing to sleep. The ones in which we hopped from park to park, drawing on the sidewalks, writing letters, and swinging on swings…climbing to the top and me wondering if she wasn’t going just a little too high…or not.

How quiet the house is going to be for six whole nights…getting used to that silence. Getting used to being alone with my own thoughts.


Read more: Finding Treasure Among The Trash

Diamond in the Rough,


There’s A Difference Between Giving Up And Saying, ‘I’ve Had Enough’

In life, love, relationships on January 23, 2017 at 2:13 am

There is a fine line between being done with love, giving up before you should pull the plug, and ending a bad situation when you’ve hit that “f*ck this” point. There’s a difference between defeat and the admission of failure before you’ve even given something a chance, and finally getting tired of a circus act and throwing in the towel.

Giving up is a failure. It’s backing out of something due to fear of failure, anxieties of many kinds, or low self-esteem.

Cutting off a dead-end situation isn’t a failure. It’s a victory. It’s admitting that something or someone in your life is bad for you, to you or with you. It’s deciding to win. It’s making a better choice.

When you give up, you are cutting off a place or piece of you before it’s even begun. It’s the career you really wanted but were too afraid to go for. It’s meeting someone and feeling butterflies in the pit of your belly and running away because you don’t want him to end up like the others. It’s trying to achieve a fitness goal but realizing it’s going to take a lot of work and you’re too discouraged.

Giving up is when you see that your end result — whether it’s true love, more money, the better career — is difficult, time-consuming or risky, and you decide to back out before the curtains have even been pulled.

Read More: There’s A Difference Between Giving Up And Saying, ‘I’ve Had Enough’

Is it Failure or Victory?


10 Things Extroverts Need to Feel Sane

In identity, life on July 2, 2016 at 2:42 am

I am an extrovert, through and through! Sure, there are times I feel socially anxious and nervous around people I don’t know. There are even times I would rather be by myself than with people, but more often than not, my extroversion appears. There has not been a day in my life in which I could claim that I am really “timid” or “shy.” I was a professional comedienne and TV personality for a few years, and I enjoy the company of others. The fact is, in order to stay sane, we extroverts need a few things in our lives lest we go completely nuts!

1. People, People, and More People

Sure, extroverts need a day off from the crowds on occasion, but in order to stay sane, extroverts need to have the company of others. Other people to talk to. Other people to do things with. Other people to collaborate with. Extroverts crave and thrive on the company of others.

Read More: 10 Things Extroverts Need to Feel Sane

People Everywhere,


9 Red-Flag Signs You Should Definitely NOT Have Kids

In life, parenthood, Uncategorized on May 20, 2016 at 5:57 pm

Not everyone needs to be a parent. Let’s face it: there are some people who just don’t belong in charge of a little person. If you don’t want kids and know that, good for you. There’s no requirement that states you have to reproduce, unless of course you’re a firm believe in the bible.

Don’t quote me, but I’m pretty sure it’s a requirement of Christianity to at least try to begat kids if you’re able. Either way, there are some folks who need to steer clear of making babies. Here are a few signs you’re better off not being a parent.

  1. The world ends and starts with you.

When you have a child, your own personal agenda tends to go by the wayside, because when kids are little they simply cannot care for themselves without the guidance of you, the adult.

Read More: 9 Red-Flag Signs You Should Definitely NOT Have Kids

Kids Aren’t For Everyone. and That’s OK!


11 Struggles Only Type-A People Will TRULY Understand

In life on April 29, 2016 at 4:43 pm

Some people may find “Type A” people too high-strung or overachieving, but the fact is, Type A people are brilliant, too. Yes, we may end up with heart issues before Type Bs, but the pros to being a Type A include:

  • We get sh*t done.
  • We don’t stop fighting for what we believe in.
  • We hit every nook and cranny.
  • We remember what you say and listen.
  • We play hard and party hard.

Of course, being a Type A, there are certain struggles we experience in our bold, high-achieving and sometimes stressful lives that other folks simply won’t get.

Read More: 11 Struggles Only Type-A People Will TRULY Understand

Pajamas? NO WAY,


Get It Together, Girl: 13 Signs Your Life Is A Hot Freaking MESS

In life, love, mental health, women's issues on April 15, 2016 at 7:52 pm

We hate to break it to you, BUT…

We all have heartaches, down periods, tribulations and stressors in our life. When you take a mental photograph of your whole life from birth to today, chances are you’re going to have some serious grey and black splotches.

But overall, you wake up each day and do what you have to do. You’ve got it together. Unless of course, you’re a hot freaking mess! 

No doubt, if you’re a catastrophic mess, people know it. The bad news is most likely, people are judging you or being empathetic toward you. The good news is every one becomes a mess now and then. But when your life has a constant orange roadblock sign in it and every one, including yourself, decides that your life is a big pile of sh*t, that’s where the problems arise.

Here are 13 signs your life is a hot mess.

Read More: Get It Together, Girl: 13 Signs Your Life Is A Hot Freaking MESS

Pull it Together Now,


The Suicide Trend

In divorce, family life, life, marriage, mental health, single parent life on February 23, 2016 at 10:02 pm

Over the holidays this years I watched as my news feed filled with “not-so great” news stories and updates of suicide upon suicide…upon suicide. Then someone I hadn’t seen in a while but who I think is a great person, attempted suicide unsuccessfully.

It floored me.

An astute friend of mine commented,”What’s with all the suicides?” and we noted that perhaps it was the holidays and our age. We are at the end of our thirties. Midlife crises are coming our way from now until age fifty.

Notably, a lot of these suicides were men.

This follows what research has shown time and time again: Current studies say men commit suicide 4 times more often than women, even though we tend to classify ourselves as depressed more often than our XY counterparts.

Then, as a woman who is almost divorced, (I heard news we have 1 more paper to hand in and then we get our uncontested divorce date and it’s bam, done!)  I wondered how often divorce plays a factor in suicide, and everything I have read has said that divorce increases suicide rates for parents (especially men, and children).

As we reach the end of our thirties, many of my friends, associates and acquaintances, are hitting many different milestones of life that can cause happiness or depression:

  • Births of children & family growth (or lack thereof)
  • Stable marriages or divorces
  • Buying & renovating homes (or losing them)
  • Career growths and raises (or starting new careers or losing a job

So what was it that was causing this string of suicides exactly, and is there any real answer?

Read the rest of this entry »

7 Signs You’re WAY Too Freakin’ Hard On Yourself

In anxiety, fitness & wellness, life, mental health on February 2, 2016 at 9:40 pm

Be nice to yourself. You’re doing better than you think you are.

We are our own worst critics, but some of us have a literal scoreboard in our head that’s constantly giving us the “thumbs down.” It’s like living with a movie review team in your head. Except, unlike the famed Siskel and Ebert, the critic in your mind doesn’t have a day off or a moment of rest.

On one hand, being hard on yourself has pluses: people who don’t really care about what they say and do aren’t typically out making the world a better place. Someone who’s hard on themselves is someone who cares about their time on this planet, and that’s a good thing! Where it becomes problematic is the intense self-criticism that sucks the joy out of life and the intense “second-guessing.”

Are you too hard on yourself? Here are a few signs you need to ease up the pressure.

  1. Your accomplishments are never enough.

You got published somewhere huge. You landed the big raise. Your master’s thesis was accepted. It’s all just bliss and kittens to everyone … except you. You should have done X. You should have gotten 5K more in that raise. Did they really approve your thesis idea? Sure, but I bet they didn’t love it.

Read More: 7 Signs You’re WAY Too Freakin’ Hard On Yourself

Be Good to Yourself,


Let He Who Cast the First Stone: I hate hypocrites.

In Uncategorized on July 14, 2013 at 8:16 pm

I usually don’t delve into this sort of topic, but I was upset recently by the fact that a part of my extended family shall we say, does not like me because of my past.

My past meaning, a time in which I let men treat me like their object after a series of crazy bad events. Note, my past doesn’t involve hurting others or doing crack, or selling babies, or performing illegal abortions. I just let people treat me poorly, men really.

Now mind you, I understand that this person wouldn’t really like these things because it’s sad for me to know I once was down that path, but this person claims to be RELIGIOUS!

This person prays for our country and goes to church when he or she feels like it, yet I am a pariah. I, who truly am a good mother, friend, and person, am a pariah.

I can’t change this person, but I can say it bothers me that some of the first things this person goes to do—pray for our country, pray for others, carry tokens of saints around–is also the same person to cast the  first stone when it comes to my flaws.

This person is the first person to NOT extend his or her hand when I need it, despite his or her commitment to Christian ideology.

Look, I am not religious clearly, but I have some wonderful friends who are, and when they tell me they are praying for me…I believe them and appreciate their thoughts and love. What I cannot stand is some person holding me metaphorically by the throat for a past that doesn’t involve them or involve the harming of others, (only my self-esteem) while holding another hand on the bible.

News Flash: I have read the New Testament…drum roll, please.. 5 times all the way through. Yup, and nowhere in there doers it say to judge others. I believe most of the book is about doing just the opposite. In fact, another person in my extended family basically accused me of having no morals because I’m non-practicing…and was raised Jewish, essentially. This “Christian” didn’t realize that the Ten Commandments are also part of Judaism. Yeah, crazy right?

We all have our own roads to follow. I’m not perfect, nor do I claim to be, but I also don’t claim to be part of some religious group and then blatantly refuse to follow that religion’s core tenets.

Own your own garbage, and live up to your words.

Practice what you preach.

I may not be religious, but I do have morals.

Moral #1–I try to treat people with respect and decency. If someone doesn’t show that to me, the game changes.

Moral #2–I believe in causing no harm.

Moral #3–I don’t believe that my beliefs or values are better than anyone else’s, although at times I may feel I am in the right, and in that I am flawed and human.

Not really all that different or terrible is it?

I don’t need to follow the head of some organization to have values, morals, and beliefs.

I follow with my heart, think with my head (mostly), and move along.

Waah. I’m an adult, and let me tell you kids, it sucks.

In Uncategorized on May 21, 2013 at 12:57 am

For those of you who care, I feel being an adult sucks.

I wanted to be older when I was a kid, mainly because I had 3 older sisters and they made bras, periods, boys, jobs, and life look cool…until I learned how I had been totally bamboozled by this false belief, or shall I say, bamboobied?

There are so many things about being an adult that blows, that I cannot fathom why kids race to grow up in the first place. What’s so sexy about mortgages, marriages, facial lines, pooping problems, labor pains, student loans, and landscape work?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

I think I was naive to think how awesome it would be to join the rest of my friends who weren’t late bloomers like myself, into this world of adulthood, homes, marriage, and 401K’s.

I thought I would make more money. I thought marriage would be easier. I thought that a cook, cleaning lady, and cabana boy with great abs and a great tush came equipped with every house. Sadly, I discovered that to be false. I want to smack the person who told me that.

My sister also told me when I was 13 that  the stork delivers babies. Much to my chagrin after 24 hours of labor and a c-section, I learned that bitch was way wrong.

Love you sis. 🙂

It’s not that I thought I could be wearing my doc maartens and hot pink hair forever while I blasted James Brown or punk music from my car, but I guess I did. I guess I figured I would find the adult version of pink hair, whatever that is, and get some joy from it all.

You know, houses also seemed so sweet until you factor in that NJ has extremely high taxes…and the houses aren’t cheap either. I never thought about that. I just figured the cabana boy would have at least three other jobs to contribute some money to my fund, so we could pay the bills. Turns out all the cabana boy wants is another cabana boy.

Good for him.

I know that my whining is neither refreshing or sexy, but I don’t give a crap. I want my money back.

I used to worry about what show I wanted to see and with who, and what I would wear. I used to have time to consider things like, ‘What would happen if Morrissey had been a little more hetero? What would we all think if Robert Smith never wore makeup? Who killed Professor Plum in the green room? Which was a better cartoon, Strawberry Shortcake, or the Smurfs?

Or think about the big intellectual questions raised at college? Does anyone understand Judith Butler or Foucault really? Did you truly finish War and Peace? What fancy word can I use in my seminar classes to make the kids think I’m smart and special? Which fancy kid in my seminar do I totally effin’ hate?

Now I get to think about big problems, real problems.

How do we move out of this house? What school district should I move into? When will I see the GI doctor? How will I get the house clean with a toddler in tow? Why do certain family member exist to make everyone else’s life hell? Why is my poop that color?

Give me a one-way ticket to boredomville please.

There’s nothing more boring than being an adult, besides being a nun or priest. No sex for a lifetime sounds like a hell not worth enduring…and sounds too close to being like marriage. I mean, after awhile when you’ve been with someone 20 years, how do you keep that stuff interesting without ordering in a prostitute, chimp, or boy toy?

I’m joking about the chimp.

I just wish someone had notified me as I was sucking on my pixie stick straws in my Pink Floyd t-shirt, with my black nailpolish and blood red lipstick, how life was going to basically suck as an adult, and that I should have all my fun now before adulthood sucks the marrow from my bones.

I guess I can always look forward to the joyful days of seniority in which I will earn early bird specials, and someone to change my diaper.

Just watch out for me on the road…I am definitely going to be the worst elderly driver alive.