How to Deal When People You Care About Make Bad Choices

 

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Photo by trail on Unsplash

When dealing with someone who is resistant to what you want, no matter what it is, it’s important to just let it go and let the person “come” to the decision (or not) in his or her own time.

Whether it’s to be a good parent, be a committed loving partner, be healthier, be a helpful friend or simply make good choices for him or herself, it’s difficult to sit back and watch someone be “stuck” in his or her way of thinking.

For example:

-Your friend wants to keep dating an abusive guy– you wish for her to be free.

-Your love interest is amazing and the two of you click– but she is resistant to committing.

-Your co-parent is absent from your kids’ lives, and you want him to be available.

Your family member is sick and not caring for his health– and you’re worried for him.

What’s the common factor in these scenarios?

You want someone to do something, yet the person is resisting what you want.

It’s frustrating as hell, watching someone hurt him/herself or making a choice that’s keeping the person from being happy in the long run.

The hardest part in all of this is accepting that you can’t change your loved ones or people that matter to those you love.

So, what can you do?

When it comes down to it– give them what they want!

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What Are Your Real Priorities? Check Yourself (& Others)

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Priorities. We all have priorities in our life. When people tell me they’re too busy, I secretly add in my head “because it’s not important.” When people decide something is important, they do it.

The same goes for you. If someone decides you are important, he or she will commit to you. The person will make time for you. The person will want to be with you. The person will have no lame excuses  as to why he or she isn’t available.

The same goes for “things.” If being healthy is important, people will make time to be healthy. If being kind is important, people will be kind.

Actions delineate priorities. This makes it easy to see who really cares about you.

People who would rather be with you then be with many partners or alone, care about you.

People who say they’d rather be alone or with many people, don’t give a flying f*ck about you.

Friends who show up when you need help, care.

Friends who reach out and want to connect with you, care.

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11 Things I Learned About Life & Love in 2019

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Photo by Amy Shamblen on Unsplash

There is only one week left in 2019, and what a year it has been! It ended a little crazy– but also, with many things to look forward to. Simply put, if you can’t take lessons from your year then what good is it to celebrate a new one?

Here are 11 things I learned in 2019– and will never forget.

Standing up for yourself is never a bad thing

It’s not always easy to speak out when someone does something wrong, but it is necessary.

As a mom, I am a role model for my kid. If I allow bad treatment to happen or sit back and do nothing when I could make a positive difference, that’s not setting the right tone.

Breathe–your journey is not going to be the same as others

Your timeline will be very unique from everyone else’s. Even when it seems like everyone else on the planet has done something or hit a life goal in the same linear fashion, and you haven”t.

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6 Things to Consider Before Moving

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Photo by Erda Estremera on Unsplash

Making a move can be very scary. It can be hard to make the change, especially if you thought your current home would be a forever place or circumstances like divorce, breaking up or a job change force you into a move.

And if you’re on the fence about a move and mulling it over, pulling the trigger can also be hard. Here are some things to consider when debating to move … or not.

Will it Further Your Career in a Significant Way?

If moving will elevate you to the next level, do it! These opportunities only come around once in a lifetime.  You may not have the same opportunity again.

This is especially key if it will lift your salary in a big way.

Will it Help You Heal?

If you move, will you heal a divorce or break-up?

Or will you be just as sad or hurting if you leave?

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Will You Be Remembered as a Good Person?

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“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”– Maya Angelou

On a daily basis, we do “things.” Some of these things are mistakes or bad choices. Some of these things are good choices and decisions. We interact with so many people on a daily basis, leaving powerful impressions behind on each person we speak to or even just look at!

How are we making these people feel? Are we leaving impressions of goodness or are we leaving them feeling annoyed, angry, hurt or disgusted?

And on a greater scale–when our time on this planet is done, how will you have left the people you loved behind? Will you have left them with good, positive feelings? Will you have left them remembering all the negative ways you made them feel? Will they remember you as a loving person who made them feel cared for?

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When Nothing Gets Easier & Everything Gets Harder, Even The Strong Need Support

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Photo by Ian Stauffer on Unsplash

One of the hardest things about being the youngest of four kids with a large age gap between me and the other 3 kids, is that my parents are older and unable to support me and be there for me in the way I wish they could. I understand why they can’t though, especially with my mom’s health issues, but it is still hard. They root for me on the sidelines, but because they are dealing with a lot– I cannot at their age ask for too much. In fact, I try to give instead of take when it comes to them. They paid their dues in their eighties to be helped instead of burdened.

Still, it makes it really challenging– especially when going through a very hard situation knowing that they can’t physically be there for me.

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Feeling Left Out & Alone From the Fa-La-La’s: Holiday Blues

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I have a lot of friends– most of which I would say are good, close friends, but it is hard for me to not feel a bit lonely amongst all the holiday cheer. Perhaps it’s that my family members have grown and gone many different ways. Some of which are not well and able to celebrate very much. Perhaps it’s being single for so long. Perhaps it’s living in a town where everyone is so closely knit and I am still relatively new. Perhaps it’s that some of the old traditions we have I couldn’t afford to do OR, that my kid was sick and we missed out on two festive things.

Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe not.

What do you do when you feel like the holiday cheer is so loud and you are lost amongst it? It is hard to not feel disappointed and sad because the most wonderful time of the year really can be so wonderful. Why wouldn’t you want to enjoy?

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6 Ways to Hide You’re Hurting When You Can’t Be Real

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Photo by Sami Hobbs on Unsplash

It’s not easy keeping it together if you are feeling depressed or going through some serious life stuff. A biggest part of the challenge is hiding it.

Sure, maybe you have people you can come clean with, but for the most part, adult life is going through the motions without showing the “emotions”– unless you trust someone and let your guard down. I’m not saying you should fake it and not get help. If you are depressed, you should get help. But what I am saying, is sometimes you have to keep it together when you’re out in public or in a situation that demands privacy.

Here are some tips for keeping cool when really, you need a hug and a break.

1. Steer conversations towards other people

Avoid questions and have the person talk about him or herself. Most people like to do that!

2. Take time outs

Take a mental health day. Go for a walk. Hide out for a while and work in a different location in the office.

3. Say, “I’d rather not…”

Discuss it. When people ask if you are upset, you can decline talking– and find someone you trust to vent to.

4. Take a drive and cry

If your kids can’t see you cry or you just need to let it out, blast some music and cry a bit. Just watch the road.

5. Can say you’re fine

Not ready to talk to someone about your hurt feelings? Say you’re fine and wait for a time when you’re more composed.

6. Exercise, meditate or dance

Move. Move and mooove. Put your sadness or stress into the motions.

 

Chin up– hang tight– and hope for the best,

Laura

 

 

Gratitude: This Single Mom Sees Wins & Rewards Everywhere– Despite Hardship

After a very difficult few weeks– and a few still upcoming, I was pretty spent. Tired, lack of appetite and a bit quiet.

Yet, as Thanksgiving, Christmas and Hannukah and the New Year approaches, I remain pretty grateful even despite.

I didn’t find love or create as much work as I wanted to in 2019. I didn’t do as much financially as I wanted to in terms of debt management or savings.

But I did pay down quite a bit. I did make some huge strides financially. I learned a whole new skill (tap dancing and jazz). I improved my turns (ballet) and form at the barre. I wrote and found new clients and did my final pieces for former clients. I just got word from another writer about forming a long-distance writing group. I may do two recitals in 2020.

And I got closer to my child.

This past weekend, I got so many hugs from her– and I could see the results of the care I provide and protection I give for her. More often than not, I put myself aside to make things work for her. I am one person with a lot of responsibility so sometimes, I cannot do as much as I would like– but I am still one person who really cares.

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What It’s Really Like to Accept Something You Can’t Change

One of the hardest things to accept is being unable to change something or someone that you care about. Of course, we’re all supposed to love someone as he or she is– but, there are times when we want a partner to change an unhealthy habit, get help or do something for us or our relationship. But as much as you may want this change, your partner or love interest may not. This is heartbreaking.

Consider this:

  • The partner with a bad drug habit
  • The partner with an untreated mental health disease
  • The partner who won’t commit or move forward
  • The partner who wants a divorce when we don’t

Sometimes, there are situations we want to change, not people, but we cannot.

Like:

  • Working conditions
  • Our health
  • Financial matters

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