6 Things You Must Do to Be a Good Partner

It doesn’t matter if you’re young or old, gay or straight or bi or any other orientation. It doesn’t matter if you are never married, married twice or newly divorced.

If you want to get love from someone, you have to give back of yourself.

Relationships shouldn’t be one-sided; they are reciprocal arrangements where both people get to exist happily according to each other’s various needs.

These are the 6 key things you must have and give to be a good partner.

Let’s get started:

1. Must be giving: you cannot take constantly or be selfish. However, in each relationship there are times where one person can be more selfish than the other and vice versa. This is “okay” as long as it is balanced in the long run and both parties feel validated.

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Life Tip: Women Want to Hear How You Feel

Men ask me for advice rather frequently about the ladies. And one of the biggest things I always say is to tell her how you feel.
Every woman and person is different, but there are quite a few of us who really love to get that verbal affirmation from our partner. If you’ve ever looked into the 5 love languages, then you know what I mean. If you haven’t– verbal affirmation is a love style; people who have this preference enjoy hearing their partners express their feelings, getting praise or  hearing expressions of love from their mates.

For me, this is one of my strong love styles.

So, if you are a man who can’t or won’t express how he feels and you meet a woman who needs this, you are in deep, deep poop.

Here is why:

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6 Things I Wish I’d Done Differently With My Former Mother-In-Law

I had a difficult relationship with my ex-husband’s mother. There were many things she did that hurt me, but looking back, there are things I could have done differently for my own sanity and for the sake of the relationship.

Today, she is usually very helpful to me and also, a great grandmother. Although we don’t live near each other, she is as supportive as she can be from afar. I know she truly loves my daughter. I feel (I hope) she appreciates how hard I try as a single mom to raise my daughter right, and sees that I attempt to keep a good relationship with her son. Does it always work out? No, it doesn’t, but I try my best.

People are shocked at the change in our relationship—for the better—since my divorce. I am sure it’s helped that I’m not her son’s wife anymore and that I’m the mother of her favorite grandchild (OK, technically that’s not proven). Whatever the reason for the change, I am grateful for it. We let the past stay in the past and have forged a good path for the future. I know, overall, we both want my daughter/her granddaughter to be happy.

Read More: 6 Things I Wish I’d Done Differently With My Former Mother-In-Law

Everything Looks Better In Hindsight,

Laura

Why Does My Partner Go From Hot to Cold & Back Again?

There is nothing more frustrating than having a partner rescind his or her warmth and love. Especially if in return, you get a cold front.

It’s like having a relationship with someone who exists in a room: the door opens and so does your partner and then, the door closes … and so does the access to your partner.

I’ve been down this road before where a love interest or partner would shut me out and let me in … I know how painful it can be to deal with. I know the questions that run in your mind and that maybe keep you up at night. I also know what it’s like to walk away from that person. At times, my ex-husband could be very cold.

Here are a few reasons that could explain your partner’s mood changes from cold to hot, and hot to cold.

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If You Think Sex With Your Husband Is a Chore, You’re in Trouble

I was killing some time on social media when I found a particularly interesting post about suggested gifts for a partner. A few of the women joked that sex would be their gift to their partner. The main gist was: I know he really wants sex, so I’ll just do it for him this time. That’ll be his gift.

There was a huge response from other women that screamed, “That’s right, girl! Throw him some sex and keep him quiet for a bit.”

I didn’t comment. I was a bit floored.

I’ve never understood the whole “sex as a chore” trope between couples. Although as it’s been played out on sitcoms (and, apparently, my social media feed), the dominant thread seems to be more often than not, women feeling imposed on by partners to have sex. Just like watering a plant, it sounds like something one must do in order to get on with their day.

Not that anyone should be forcing or pressuring a partner to have sex, but the view that sex is a job and chore to be checked off on a list and not a pleasure is extremely problematic for so many reasons.

Read More: If You Think Sex With Your Husband Is a Chore, You’re in Trouble

No Bueno,

Laura

The Top 6 Things I Learned From My Failed Marriage

People don’t walk down the aisle expecting to end up going separate ways. If they did, that would be clinically insane. With that said, sometimes things don’t go the way we planned or hoped, and that goes for marriage. We could have a billion good intentions and truly believe in our heart of hearts that this marriage will work out and then … it doesn’t.

The vows have been said. Families have been made. Bonds have been created.

And broken. And frayed. And destroyed.

What happens when it doesn’t work out? What happens when the love is gone and you have to start over?

You live. You learn. You move on. You grow. You love again—and often, even more than you did before.

That may be hard to believe if you’re in the middle of watching your marriage disintegrate, but it is so true! Here are the top six things I learned from my failed marriage, and they have served me all for the better.

Read More: The Top 6 Things I Learned From My Failed Marriage

Always Learning,

Laura

The 6 Types Of (Healthy) Fights Every Long-Lasting Relationship Must Have To Survive

Fighting constantly is a sign of a bad relationship, but on the flip side, never arguing at all is not only rare, but also not particularly healthy. If you can’t ever disagree constructively with your partner, one has to wonder how healthy and stable your relationship truly is.

Many of us panic during the very first argument we have with someone we love, as disagreement brings up a lot of anxiety for all of us, and we might not know how to fight effectively. However, having healthy relationship fights indicates two people who respect each other.

And let’s be honest: there are some words and some topics that really don’t belong in relationship fights with someone you love. The problem is, so many of us listen to respond, rather than listen to understand.

The bottom line is that there are certain fights you should have in your relationship, all of which indicate you belong together.

1. Fights about the direction your relationship is headed

Obviously, you two should be headed in the same direction when it comes to your commitment level, but if you fight about it initially, it’s a good sign the two of you are being direct and honest about your needs.

Read More: The 6 Types Of (Healthy) Fights Every Long-Lasting Relationship Must Have To Survive

Fight for Your Right to Fight–Respectfully,

Laura

Ending Your Bad Marriage for Good

There you are each day, unhappily married.

It’s to a point in which the people that love you including your kids, (if you’ve got them) don’t remember a time in which you were happy. And if they do, it was in a galaxy far, far away.

The unhappy you. The depressed you. The quietly miserable you is the one people get to deal with, day in and day out.

Every day people ask when or if you’re going to divorce finally and you say the same thing:

I’m working on it.”

And while you’re “working on it,” which is really just a BS excuse covering the fact that you’re doing nothing but panicking over how and when to make the decision, your life is passing you by.

Days, weeks, months and maybe even years go by…in which you spend such little time happy. At this point, you’re used to it.

As unhappy as you are, you are comfortable. The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t, you tell people.

You make excuses and say it’s easier this way. You say you don’t have the money. You say you’ll do it when this happens…or that kid gets older…or you finish paying that bill or this bill.

There is always something that is keeping you from ending your dead decaying marriage, but while you delay, the smell and rot from that decaying marriage is growing stronger and bigger.

The space between the two of you is getting so big, you could place another galaxy in-between you both, and there would still be plenty of room between the two of you.

The bickering or the intensity or the distance between the two of you are so bad, it impacts everyone from your families to your friends.

Honestly, from the outside in, it’s hell to watch. It’s like watching an impending car crash and knowing the end result, but not being able to stop it.

So how do you finally cut off the dead marriage and start over? How do you stop ignoring the elephant in the room and start calling it quits?

Here’s how to do it. For good.

Read More: Ending Your Bad Marriage for Good

It’s Time,

Laura

If You Want to Stay Married, Do These 10 Things Every Day

Getting married may seem like a feat, but these days, it’s staying married that is the real task at hand. In a world that moves faster than we can really handle, it can be easy to let the basic tenets and principles of good love and partnership fall by the wayside, but don’t let that be your marriage! Don’t let it be you who is the lazy partner. Be present and aware of your partner and your marriage each day. Do these 10 things daily, and we won’t be surprised when year after year, you’re collecting another anniversary gift and enjoying another solid year of love with the person you said “I do” to!

1. Forgive

The best thing you can offer anyone you love is forgiveness. Each day, forgive. Forgive your partner for the flaws and mistakes. Unless it’s a major sin or breach of trust and respect, forgive. Your partner will never be perfect. He or she will always annoy you. Forgive and you will be happy and so will your spouse.

2. Touch

It doesn’t have to be a hot bedroom session, but touch your partner. Each day. Hug. Kiss. Hold hands. Rub his or her back. Touch. Touch is so vital — human contact reminds us that we’re there for each other, literally.

Read More: If You Want to Stay Married, Do These 10 Things Every Day

Listen,

Laura

8 Little White Lies That Are OK to Tell Your Spouse

Honesty is the best policy . . . isn’t it? Well sometimes, it makes sense to tell a little white lie here and there to your spouse. Really. As contradictory as it sounds, a white lie on occasion will most likely save everyone’s sanity. Here are eight little secrets you can keep from your spouse without it hurting your marriage.

1. The Outfit Compliment

Really, if your spouse looks like an utter fool, it’s probably best you say something to save this person from embarrassment. However, there are many occasions someone might not really “rock” that new shirt, dress, or pair of pants but . . . your spouse loves it! It’s best you let your spouse feel good in that fashion choice. Don’t say a word, because if you do, most likely, it’s going to be the wrong thing!

2. When You Hate the BFF

If your spouse’s BFF is a big fat pain in the butt to you, most likely your spouse will see that the two of you don’t “jive” well. But if you really can’t stand this person, it’s advisable that you keep some of your critique to yourself. You don’t have to state that you love your spouse’s bestie, but you can hold back, and, if directly asked, soften the blow with a white lie like, “Well, we’re just different people.” Trust me, don’t mess with a spouse’s best friend . . . unless the person is toxic for your spouse.

Don’t Say It!
Laura