Ending Your Bad Marriage for Good

There you are each day, unhappily married.

It’s to a point in which the people that love you including your kids, (if you’ve got them) don’t remember a time in which you were happy. And if they do, it was in a galaxy far, far away.

The unhappy you. The depressed you. The quietly miserable you is the one people get to deal with, day in and day out.

Every day people ask when or if you’re going to divorce finally and you say the same thing:

I’m working on it.”

And while you’re “working on it,” which is really just a BS excuse covering the fact that you’re doing nothing but panicking over how and when to make the decision, your life is passing you by.

Days, weeks, months and maybe even years go by…in which you spend such little time happy. At this point, you’re used to it.

As unhappy as you are, you are comfortable. The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t, you tell people.

You make excuses and say it’s easier this way. You say you don’t have the money. You say you’ll do it when this happens…or that kid gets older…or you finish paying that bill or this bill.

There is always something that is keeping you from ending your dead decaying marriage, but while you delay, the smell and rot from that decaying marriage is growing stronger and bigger.

The space between the two of you is getting so big, you could place another galaxy in-between you both, and there would still be plenty of room between the two of you.

The bickering or the intensity or the distance between the two of you are so bad, it impacts everyone from your families to your friends.

Honestly, from the outside in, it’s hell to watch. It’s like watching an impending car crash and knowing the end result, but not being able to stop it.

So how do you finally cut off the dead marriage and start over? How do you stop ignoring the elephant in the room and start calling it quits?

Here’s how to do it. For good.

Read More: Ending Your Bad Marriage for Good

It’s Time,

Laura

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If You Want to Stay Married, Do These 10 Things Every Day

Getting married may seem like a feat, but these days, it’s staying married that is the real task at hand. In a world that moves faster than we can really handle, it can be easy to let the basic tenets and principles of good love and partnership fall by the wayside, but don’t let that be your marriage! Don’t let it be you who is the lazy partner. Be present and aware of your partner and your marriage each day. Do these 10 things daily, and we won’t be surprised when year after year, you’re collecting another anniversary gift and enjoying another solid year of love with the person you said “I do” to!

1. Forgive

The best thing you can offer anyone you love is forgiveness. Each day, forgive. Forgive your partner for the flaws and mistakes. Unless it’s a major sin or breach of trust and respect, forgive. Your partner will never be perfect. He or she will always annoy you. Forgive and you will be happy and so will your spouse.

2. Touch

It doesn’t have to be a hot bedroom session, but touch your partner. Each day. Hug. Kiss. Hold hands. Rub his or her back. Touch. Touch is so vital — human contact reminds us that we’re there for each other, literally.

Read More: If You Want to Stay Married, Do These 10 Things Every Day

Listen,

Laura

8 Little White Lies That Are OK to Tell Your Spouse

Honesty is the best policy . . . isn’t it? Well sometimes, it makes sense to tell a little white lie here and there to your spouse. Really. As contradictory as it sounds, a white lie on occasion will most likely save everyone’s sanity. Here are eight little secrets you can keep from your spouse without it hurting your marriage.

1. The Outfit Compliment

Really, if your spouse looks like an utter fool, it’s probably best you say something to save this person from embarrassment. However, there are many occasions someone might not really “rock” that new shirt, dress, or pair of pants but . . . your spouse loves it! It’s best you let your spouse feel good in that fashion choice. Don’t say a word, because if you do, most likely, it’s going to be the wrong thing!

2. When You Hate the BFF

If your spouse’s BFF is a big fat pain in the butt to you, most likely your spouse will see that the two of you don’t “jive” well. But if you really can’t stand this person, it’s advisable that you keep some of your critique to yourself. You don’t have to state that you love your spouse’s bestie, but you can hold back, and, if directly asked, soften the blow with a white lie like, “Well, we’re just different people.” Trust me, don’t mess with a spouse’s best friend . . . unless the person is toxic for your spouse.

Don’t Say It!
Laura

9 Things You Shouldn’t Tell Your Friends About Your Marriage

While our friends are often our biggest supporters and “chosen family,” there are a few things you should avoid telling them about your marriage. Why? Well, in some cases it would just violate your spouse’s privacy, and in other cases, it could taint how people view the marriage . . . which can be detrimental in the long run. In certain situations, it may be advisable to only tell certain friends “certain things” and vice versa. No matter what, be careful when you share information about your marriage — lest it be held against either of you down the line.

1. Sexual Kinks

We all talk to our friends about sex . . . and it’s OK to share some details. However, if your partner has something he or she is very private about — say, he likes to wear women’s underwear or she likes to wear a strap on — whatever the case is regardless of sexual orientation and gender, be cautious about what you share with your friends. Sure, we all have that “one friend” we can reveal stuff to — I am typically that friend that people talk to — but not all friends need to know about a spouse’s proclivities, especially if he or she is not open about it to begin with.

2. Every Fight

Obviously, our friends are there to hear us out when we clash with our spouses, but if you give too much detail, be prepared for your friends, rightly or not rightly, to judge your spouse. If you’re on the verge of divorce, it’s another thing, but still, just be cautious, otherwise it can create a worse divorce process. If you’re in an abusive marriage, please share that with your friends. But, in most cases, it’s good to not divulge every vicious detail, and if you do, keep it to a few select friends.

Read More: 9 Things You Shouldn’t Tell Your Friends About Your Marriage

SSH,

Laura

10 Marriage Tips From an Ex-Spouse Who Has Been There

As someone who was once married and now isn’t, I can say that even though I believe there was nothing that could have possibly saved my former marriage, I still think there are things I learned about marriage that I will carry with me to the next relationship. What good is life if you can’t learn lessons from it? Well, my marriage taught me a lot about me, a lot about what I want from someone, and a lot about what I need from someone (and have to give) in order to have a happy marriage the next go-round. Here are 10 marriage tips from an ex-spouse who has been there and done that.

1- Choose your words carefully . . . saying harsh words will only tear apart the marriage.

Read the rest at PopSugar!

Choose Your Battles Wisely,

Laura

10 Compliments Your Wife Loves to Hear

Saying the right thing can mean a world of difference in a marriage, just as saying the wrong thing can, too. A genuine compliment to make a wife feel loved and special can go miles to make a relationship all the better! Here are 10 compliments your wife would love to hear.

1- I love how strong you are — and how determined you are to reach your goals.”

View this article on PopSugar!

And Yes, You’re Gorgeous!

Laura

9 Signs Besides an Affair That Your Marriage Is in Trouble

Affairs aren’t the only sign that there is clear trouble in a marriage. Some signs of trouble in a marriage are very obvious and others more subtle. Sometimes, others can see the trouble from the outside in before a couple can, and in some circumstances, the trouble is only prevalent to the couple; those haunting difficulties they share in private.

Read on to learn for nine signs that there’s big trouble in little China, i.e. your marriage, other than blatant affairs.

1. Consumed With Social Media

If your partner is chained to Facebook, it may be because the boy’s got a serious flirtation going on with an ex . . . or he’s hunting for old girlfriends.

If you’re the party whose nose is fixated on the news feeds, you may be doing the exact same thing. Tuning into social and tuning out your partner is a big fat sign your marriage is in deep dog doo-doo or the two of you are just negligent partners.

Read More: 9 Signs Besides an Affair That Your Marriage Is in Trouble

 

Deep, Deep Trouble,

Laura

Dear Lazy Wives: Lose The Yoga Pants And Wear The DAMN Lingerie

If YOU won’t wear lingerie for your husband, who will?

I was at a mom’s event listening to all the woman chatter. One mom told me how she loved her yoga pants.

“I live in them,” she said.

“They’re comfortable,” I offered.

“My husband says I wear them too much. He complained. He asked if I would buy some sexy lingerie. He wants me to wear lingerie for him rather than these.”

She pointed down to her yoga pants and continued on, “I’m NOT wearing lingerie for him.” She snorted, chuckling like it was the most insane request a husband could make for a wife.

Before walking away I told her, “I think you should. I’m sure you’ll look great.”

Because if she’s not wearing lingerie for him, who is she wearing it for? And if she’s not wearing lingerie for him, who will instead?

Isn’t your husband the one person you should wear lingerie for? I mean, it’s OK to have your hot fantasies about that random guy at the gym or your old boyfriend from college, but shouldn’t this woman — shouldn’t every woman — want to wear lingerie for their husbands?

Read More: Dear Lazy Wives: Lose The Yoga Pants And Wear The DAMN Lingerie

Wear It,

Laura

10 Ways to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage

If you asked me what the secret is to keeping people married, I would tell you there is “no secret.” I think that there are simple and logical things couples can do to avoid heading for divorce court. I also believe that if you don’t want to get a divorce, try to marry smartly. One of the things I didn’t do was marry smartly. There were red flags and questions about compatibility from the beginning, but at the same time I was in love and rather naïve to long-term relationships. The beautiful gift I got in the end was a gorgeous and healthy daughter. But there are things you can do divorce-proof your marriage as much as possible, and at the very least know no matter what that you tried your best as a wife for your marriage — always.

1. Be Separate

Give your partner some space. Constantly making your partner “ask for permission” to do things makes your spouse feel as if you’re a parent, not a partner. Let your partner have freedom to be, but not so much that your poor spouse wonders if you even like him or her.

2. Agree to Disagree

On some topics if the two of you are constantly butting heads, ask yourself if it’s really worth it to you to battle. Sometimes you need to agree to disagree and then let it die. If you knew going into the marriage that your partner always does X, Y, or Z and it annoys you, accept it and stop the fight. Picking battles is crucial.

Read More: 10 Ways to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage

Do Your Best,

Laura

Can Counseling Save Your Marriage?

Can Counseling Save Your Marriage?—I sort of feel like this is a loaded question. Asking if one single solitary act can save a marriage seems destined to fail from the get-go. The reality is there is no magic cure for an ailing marriage. And not only that, but also there is no one answer that suits all marriages. However with that said, counseling can do a great deal of things for an “on the rocks” marriage and the people involved in it.

It can most definitely:

  • Help both parties deal with their issues on an individual basis. It’s not unusual for a couple to go to therapy together in couples’ therapy, and then see the same counselor or another separate counselor, on their own as individuals
  • Create a dialogue about what issues exist in the marriage and if the two parties feel they are resolvable or not
  • Assist a person in deciding, once the problems are “on the table” if he or she wants to work hard to save the marriage

Yes. That’s right. Work hard to save the marriage.

Read More:  Can Counseling Save Your Marriage?

You Both Have to Want It,

Laura