They’re Taking & You’re Giving: Stop Doing All The Work in the Relationship

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Photo by Victor Freitas on Unsplash

If you feel like you’re carrying all the weight in your relationship, guess what?

You probably are!

Why should you do all the work, give and give and give, while someone else takes and does relatively little?

If this is you– doing all the heavy lifting to keep your relationship running– STOP.

Successful relationships require two people working together. If you’re the one offering yourself up all the time and killing yourself to keep it going while the other person makes zero to little effort, you’re doing it all wrong.

No one should be doing all the giving, loving, sweating and heavy work of the relationship alone.

No one should be taking whatever is given to him or her, while doing nothing or, not much at all.

There will always be times when your relationship will not be equal. One person will do more giving and the other, more taking, but this shouldn’t be a constant. If it is, stop giving and start demanding more of the person you are with. You deserve to take as much as you give.

Much Love,

Laura

This Man or Woman Doesn’t Care, So Don’t Waste Your Time

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https://unsplash.com/@louishansel

Avoid these types of men or women or whatever gender, to date because otherwise, you will waste time on someone who never cared about you in the first place. From my own experiences to my friends’ experiences, be wise:

Avoid Dating Someone Who Wants to Change Your Views or Religion

Someone who is never happy with your views or ways of worship or spirituality is going to be tough down the line. It’s ok if the person wants you to open up a bit to his or her way of thinking, but not if the person is trying to change you. This will end up a total nightmare for you where you’ll never feel accepted and loved. You will always feel out of the loop and not validated.

Avoid Dating Someone Who Won’t Commit and Has a Load of Excuses Why

Don’t date the man or woman who won’t commit and yet, likes you enough to sleep with you sometimes or see you sometimes. Why? Because he or she will be around. SOMETIMES. On his or her terms and when that person feels up to it. They’ll say they care about you but then their words are never backed up. They will always disappoint you because they don’t care about you or want you enough to change. Guess who will be left crying? You and not them.  This person doesn’t care about you at all. If he can’t introduce you to friends or she won’t move the relationship forward, then that person is just messing with your heart and wasting time. You’re not good enough for them in their eyes, so move it along before you regret it.

Avoid Dating the Money Hungry or Demanding Who Doesn’t Appreciate Anything

Time and again I’ve seen friends suffer over the person who always wants more and is never happy. They feel like they don’t do enough yet it’s really the greedy person who is the problem. If someone is constantly demanding you do more and never happy with you, or constantly wants you to spend money— that person is impossible. Don’t bother!

Trust Me,

L

Why She’s Done

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https://unsplash.com/@all_who_wander

You kept saying no. You weren’t available. You were busy. You had to work. You weren’t ready. You didn’t want to do it. You couldn’t do it. You didn’t want her. You didn’t want it. It’s not what you want.

All this time that’s all you said while she

Tried hard. Kept being available. Kept saying yes. Wasn’t too busy for you. Wanted to do it. Could do it. Wanted you.

You didn’t care. You didn’t appreciate her at all. You didn’t want her.

Finally, she got tired of your no’s. Tired of your unavailability. Tired of being alone while you did whatever you felt like as long as it wasn’t being available and loving her.

She took the weight of your no’s and the weight of your unavailability and held it as long as she could but eventually, she grew tired of it. Tired of you.

And eventually, she was done and gone.
And the only person to blame is yourself for your no’s, your lack of availability. Your position.

Check Mate,

Laura

 

 

 

When Your Partner Misses Free Time, Birthdays, Milestones & More

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Photo by Sofiya Levchenko on Unsplash

It’s your birthday and your partner is working late. Again.

You have a free weekend after being so busy with the kids and work and your partner has something to do. Again.

You need a ride to the doctor’s for a procedure. Your partner is busy, unavailable or what have you. Again.

You want to see a show (back when concerts were allowed) or attend a party (same!), but your partner is busy, doesn’t feel like going or has something better to do. Again.

It gets lonely when the one person you love so much never shows up for you to celebrate with you or spend significant time together.

It eats away at your feelings and trust for your partner. You start to feel more alone by the minute and depressed.

It’s happened to me where I’ve felt so isolated and alone despite  having someone around who “supposedly” cared about me.

It felt like a party for one constantly. Never there for me. Me doing everything alone constantly or with friends without him. Me feeling unloved constantly.  Me feeling like maybe it was me. Maybe I wasn’t worth spending time with or maybe I wasn’t any good. Maybe I was not worth loving. Maybe I had nothing to offer.

I started to get used to being alone and lived my life without him to the fullest, but it always hurt and always felt like an insult to my character.  I got used to the constant disappointment.

People wondered why I was always alone. I couldn’t explain it but it hurt like the worst hell.

If someone leaves you to attend the party of your life alone, leave him or her now.

You deserve to eat cake for two. You shouldn’t be spending parties, weekends and milestones alone. You shouldn’t be in a relationship or marriage feeling lonely all the time. You should have a partner who looks forward to being with you and makes time for you.

Lovingly,

Laura

Do Affair Relationships Last After Divorce?

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Photo by Octavio Fossatti on Unsplash

Affairs are a hot-button topic, both in the real world and online. From being cheated on to being the cheater, you can find many people who have been affected by marital affairs.

However, once the affair has “wrecked the marriage,” what happens to it? Do the couples stay together after the divorce or do they drift apart?

Before I dive in deep, consider these statistics when it comes to affairs:

  • Only 5 to 7% actually end in marriage
  • Of that number, 75% end in another divorce

I asked one coach, one private investigator, a relationship expert and therapist to tell me what they thought happens to the “affair” after the divorce is signed and sealed.

Read More: Do Affair Relationships Last After Divorce?

Spoiler Alert: Doubtful,

Laura

Your Actions (or No Actions) Show How You Really Feel About Someone

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Photo by Kyle Hinkson on Unsplash

Every relationship is built on actions– lack of actions, plenty of actions, the wrong or right actions.

One of the biggest things that will always tell the truth even if you don’t want it to, are  your actions!

Your actions show if you are full of hot air or, true to your word.

Consider this example– you can tell someone to let you know if he/she needs help, or you can show up on the doorstep and help.

You can tell someone you care about them and they’re important, and never be available for them

Or you can be there when they’re sick, in trouble or just to spend time together.

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The Rules of Intimacy

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Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

The rules of intimacy are simple and genuine. They’re not as complex as love is. Love is a feeling and feelings are often complicated– but complicated doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Love can be intricately and wonderfully complex.

Intimacy however at its core, is simple.

To really have intimacy though, you must honor that person and that intimacy!

You can’t take that person for granted. You can’t be full of hot air. You must be genuine and available.

The 8 rules of intimacy:

Be available & present

Emotional unavailability is absolutely not ok! It breaks intimacy down and hurts and isolates the parties.

Be available. Be present. Put your phone done. Put your “reactions” away. Listen first. Then respond.

But be available. Show up.

Be honest

This doesn’t mean cutthroat commentary at every minute. It means being honest with yourself and your partner about your needs and wants. When you are dishonest, you trash intimacy– whether you’re being dishonest with yourself or your partner, or both of you.

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Reasons to Love Valentine’s Day Whether Single or Taken

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Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

I love Valentine’s Day. I don’t care if I’m single, taken or jilted … the day to me, symbolizes love and hope for all of us.

I know there are a whole slew of haters on V day and I get it. Why should people (usually men) be pressured to make this magical day of love in order to prove one’s worthiness? We should love each other every day of the year and appreciate all we do for our loved ones. But a little reminder in a busy world can’t hurt! I mean, stopping to say —

Hey dude. I love you.

Or

You mean the world to me– and I express this with 50 different Godiva truffles.

Really isn’t such a bad day. Besides, there is chocolate! Lots and lots and LOTS of chocolate to be eaten. And damn, this girl loves chocolate.

Here are 5 reasons to stop being a little downer on Valentine’s Day– and to celebrate it whether you’re monogamous, polyamorous, or just “sleeping with yourself:”

Treat Yo’ Self

Buy the chocolate. Buy all of the damn chocolate!

My faves?

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If You Can Remember The Day You Met Someone Happily– It’s a Gift

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Photo by Jorge Gardner on Unsplash

In a world where attention spans are about 0.2 seconds long and everyone has an agenda, running into a stranger and sparking a connection is really rare.

What are the chances of you meeting someone at Target or the corner deli?

They’re low but still– possible.

Can you remember the day you met someone special still?

Do you recall every detail by heart? Do you remember how you felt when you saw that person’s face or heard that person’s voice for the first time?

If you answered yes–  that’s a gift.

It is so rare that we have these special moments and even more rare to find people that we have special connections with.

It’s a shame that so many of us take the people we love for granted. That so many people don’t appreciate all that we have.

If this is you (and it’s quite possible that it is) ask yourself the following things:

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How to Deal When People You Care About Make Bad Choices

 

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Photo by trail on Unsplash

When dealing with someone who is resistant to what you want, no matter what it is, it’s important to just let it go and let the person “come” to the decision (or not) in his or her own time.

Whether it’s to be a good parent, be a committed loving partner, be healthier, be a helpful friend or simply make good choices for him or herself, it’s difficult to sit back and watch someone be “stuck” in his or her way of thinking.

For example:

-Your friend wants to keep dating an abusive guy– you wish for her to be free.

-Your love interest is amazing and the two of you click– but she is resistant to committing.

-Your co-parent is absent from your kids’ lives, and you want him to be available.

Your family member is sick and not caring for his health– and you’re worried for him.

What’s the common factor in these scenarios?

You want someone to do something, yet the person is resisting what you want.

It’s frustrating as hell, watching someone hurt him/herself or making a choice that’s keeping the person from being happy in the long run.

The hardest part in all of this is accepting that you can’t change your loved ones or people that matter to those you love.

So, what can you do?

When it comes down to it– give them what they want!

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