Ending Your Bad Marriage for Good

There you are each day, unhappily married.

It’s to a point in which the people that love you including your kids, (if you’ve got them) don’t remember a time in which you were happy. And if they do, it was in a galaxy far, far away.

The unhappy you. The depressed you. The quietly miserable you is the one people get to deal with, day in and day out.

Every day people ask when or if you’re going to divorce finally and you say the same thing:

I’m working on it.”

And while you’re “working on it,” which is really just a BS excuse covering the fact that you’re doing nothing but panicking over how and when to make the decision, your life is passing you by.

Days, weeks, months and maybe even years go by…in which you spend such little time happy. At this point, you’re used to it.

As unhappy as you are, you are comfortable. The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t, you tell people.

You make excuses and say it’s easier this way. You say you don’t have the money. You say you’ll do it when this happens…or that kid gets older…or you finish paying that bill or this bill.

There is always something that is keeping you from ending your dead decaying marriage, but while you delay, the smell and rot from that decaying marriage is growing stronger and bigger.

The space between the two of you is getting so big, you could place another galaxy in-between you both, and there would still be plenty of room between the two of you.

The bickering or the intensity or the distance between the two of you are so bad, it impacts everyone from your families to your friends.

Honestly, from the outside in, it’s hell to watch. It’s like watching an impending car crash and knowing the end result, but not being able to stop it.

So how do you finally cut off the dead marriage and start over? How do you stop ignoring the elephant in the room and start calling it quits?

Here’s how to do it. For good.

Read More: Ending Your Bad Marriage for Good

It’s Time,

Laura

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One Reason NOT to Get Divorced

When I was hemming and hawing over whether to divorce or not and my husband at the time was as well, I asked my friends who were divorced for advice.

Should I get a divorce?

How will I know if it’s right to divorce?

I wanted someone else to make the decision for me. I wanted someone else to call the shots for me. I wanted some sign from the heavens like written in the sky saying, “Hey Laura, It’s Me. G-d. Do you need to get a divorce, ok? Glad we had this talk.”

Of course, life doesn’t work that way and neither does divorce. Knowing when it’s time to call it quits is different for everyone. For some people, it’s an event that drives them to sign the papers. For another person, it’s a gut feeling. But one of the things that struck me so very deeply was when I asked my divorced friend if I should divorce, she gave me one reason not to get a divorce.

She told me, “Don’t get a divorce to meet someone else. You may not meet someone else. You may never. Leave because you absolutely can’t take another minute with this person you’re married to. Leave because being alone is better than being married.”

It was a sobering piece of advice.

Not meet anyone? How dismal.

But how sound! How practical!

You can’t divorce someone simply because you think there’s a better model out there for you.

Read More: One Reason NOT to Get Divorced

 

The Right Reason,

Laura

9 Secrets Things Couples Who STAY Infatuated With Each Other Do (That The Rest Of Us Overlook)

Staying infatuated with your partner is not necessarily common or easy, but is a special love ever common? I’d say no.

There are indeed a few secrets and habits that couples who are infatuated with each other have in order to keep the heat lasting day in and day out. So, if you’re newly coupled or coupled forever and want to either maintain the heat or keep the flame and passion going, here’s how to make him infatuated with you.

Learning these secrets and habits will ensure your relationship stays strong.

1. They expand their sexual horizons.

Most couples who have an intense infatuation with each other tend to have nontraditional sex lives or work hard to keep it fresh. This means they’re open to, perhaps, fetishes, S&M, role-playing, dirty talk, lingerie, or seductive photos.

Wilder couples might be into couple swapping or public acts of sex, but even if you two are mild-mannered (sexually speaking), many couples are open to lingerie, dirty talk or some light S&M. So, you don’t have to go all out and crazy, but infatuated couples keep it fresh.

Read More: 9 Secrets Things Couples Who STAY Infatuated With Each Other Do (That The Rest Of Us Overlook)

So OBSESSED,

Laura

If You Want to Stay Married, Do These 10 Things Every Day

Getting married may seem like a feat, but these days, it’s staying married that is the real task at hand. In a world that moves faster than we can really handle, it can be easy to let the basic tenets and principles of good love and partnership fall by the wayside, but don’t let that be your marriage! Don’t let it be you who is the lazy partner. Be present and aware of your partner and your marriage each day. Do these 10 things daily, and we won’t be surprised when year after year, you’re collecting another anniversary gift and enjoying another solid year of love with the person you said “I do” to!

1. Forgive

The best thing you can offer anyone you love is forgiveness. Each day, forgive. Forgive your partner for the flaws and mistakes. Unless it’s a major sin or breach of trust and respect, forgive. Your partner will never be perfect. He or she will always annoy you. Forgive and you will be happy and so will your spouse.

2. Touch

It doesn’t have to be a hot bedroom session, but touch your partner. Each day. Hug. Kiss. Hold hands. Rub his or her back. Touch. Touch is so vital — human contact reminds us that we’re there for each other, literally.

Read More: If You Want to Stay Married, Do These 10 Things Every Day

Listen,

Laura

9 Signs You’re Not Radically Accepting Him (And It’s Going To Hurt You BOTH)

As Andrea Miller describes in her book Radical Acceptance, radically accepting your partner isn’t always easy, but it is worth it. Radically accepting this person for who he or she is; radically accepting yourself for who you are; recognizing when your own junk and baggage are creeping into your relationship; recognizing when your desires and needs are projected onto your partner; forgetting that he or she has his or her own unique desires and needs; recognizing when you are getting in the way of your own happiness with your partner; acceptance of yourself and your partner —  this is what love takes.

Here are 9 signs you’re not practicing radical acceptance with your partner.

1. You push them.

This is one I had to learn myself. Pushing someone because you need him or her to do what you want him or her to do won’t help the relationship. It must come from the other person, and if it doesn’t, either you wait for it to come in his or her own time or you decide you cannot be with the person.

If you are pushing your partner to do/be/say something, you are actively asking this person to push you back — and not in the best way. Quit it. Let this person come to around; if not, then you make the choice if this relationship works for you or not.

Read More: 9 Signs You’re Not Radically Accepting Him (And It’s Going To Hurt You BOTH)

Accept Him/Her,

Laura

I Love It When My Spouse Says…

We all want to be told that we are loved — but not everyone wants to be told that in the exact same way! Does your spouse or partner speak your love language? For these people I spoke to, their spouses had something to say that just gets right into their very hearts and souls.

These 28 phrases, whether sexy, sensual, sweet, or kind, really make these married hearts go aflutter!

What does your spouse say that makes you feel so loved?

  1. “I’ll give the kids a bath tonight.”
  2. “Take all the time you need.”
  3. “Good job!”
  4. “You amaze me!”
  5. “Go take a nap — I’ve got this.”
  6. “Everything would fall apart without you.”
  7. “I thought about you a lot today.”
  8. “Meow!”

Read More: I Love it When My Spouse Says…

 

Speak to Her/Him,

Laura

Couples Reveal the ONE Thing They Keep Secret

Everyone has secrets or things that he or she doesn’t want to share with anyone. Why would couples be any different? That intimacy and closeness has to come with a large dose of trust and a certain amount of exclusivity. While many couples I asked were hesitant to share anything that could incriminate them, these couples shared some of the funny, serious, and daily things that they don’t share with anyone else besides each other!

  1. “We don’t share the amount of money we win or lose when we gamble.”
  2. “I don’t tell others when we fight or how much money we make.”
  3. “Neither of us share our fights or our sex life . . . so people think we’re the perfect couple. Little do they know!”

Read More: Couples Reveal the ONE Thing They Keep Secret

 

What do you keep secret?

Laura

10 Things I Could Only Learn From Marrying The Wrong Person

There are some things in life that you won’t learn until you screw up badly or take a major risk. It’s taking that risk or making those mistakes that help you become who you are. Without those mistakes and failures, you’d be a fragment of who you are today.

Yes, you read that right! Your failures can really break you, but more importantly, they can make you.

Think about the last time someone gave you advice, especially in matters of the heart. Did you take it? Think about your last breakup. If someone had stopped you right before you committed to this person and said, “It’s going to end, so don’t bother,” would you have listened to him or her, or went ahead and married the wrong person?

You would have done what you wanted to. Had someone tried to stop me from getting married, I would have told them to screw off.

The reality is while I did love my former husband and wanted it to work out, we were not meant for each other. We couldn’t have lasted a lifetime, but without marrying him, I wouldn’t have learned so many things.

By taking the risk and getting married to the wrong person, I gained so much. A beautiful daughter and many life lessons that made me who I am today. Lessons that I could only have learned by marrying the wrong person.

 

Read More: 10 Things I Could Only Learn From Marrying The Wrong Person

Lessons Learned,

Laura

8 Little White Lies That Are OK to Tell Your Spouse

Honesty is the best policy . . . isn’t it? Well sometimes, it makes sense to tell a little white lie here and there to your spouse. Really. As contradictory as it sounds, a white lie on occasion will most likely save everyone’s sanity. Here are eight little secrets you can keep from your spouse without it hurting your marriage.

1. The Outfit Compliment

Really, if your spouse looks like an utter fool, it’s probably best you say something to save this person from embarrassment. However, there are many occasions someone might not really “rock” that new shirt, dress, or pair of pants but . . . your spouse loves it! It’s best you let your spouse feel good in that fashion choice. Don’t say a word, because if you do, most likely, it’s going to be the wrong thing!

2. When You Hate the BFF

If your spouse’s BFF is a big fat pain in the butt to you, most likely your spouse will see that the two of you don’t “jive” well. But if you really can’t stand this person, it’s advisable that you keep some of your critique to yourself. You don’t have to state that you love your spouse’s bestie, but you can hold back, and, if directly asked, soften the blow with a white lie like, “Well, we’re just different people.” Trust me, don’t mess with a spouse’s best friend . . . unless the person is toxic for your spouse.

Don’t Say It!
Laura

8 Reasons Only Children Make Great Partners

Only children get a bad rep as being spoiled and self-centered. Personally? I just think the rest of us are so jealous on how good onlies can have it. The focus of their parents’ finances, hearts, and eyes. As the parent of an only, I can see drastic differences between her upbringing and mine, as the youngest of four girls. I can’t tell you how much I cherish having an only, although I would love to have stepchildren for sure. Onlies truly are resilient and bold creatures, making them in my opinion, pretty amazing partners! Here are eight reasons why only children are kick-ass amazing partners!

1. They’re Independent as HELL

While it may sound contradictory to say an independent person would be great in a couple, it’s not. Onlies are independent, meaning they won’t crush their partners with need. They are able to survive on their own and can offer a lot in a relationship. While being “too” independent can make people distant, onlies typically have close relationships with their parents from the very beginning years of life, making these independent gems able to connect with others all while still being self-sufficient.

2. They’re Creative

I spent a lot of time playing alone as a little kid because my sisters were older, but I had a neighbor down the street I could run to. With my only child, I hear the most amazing and creative “stories” playing out right in front of my eyes. Only children are creative because they have to be! If they grew up without kids to play with as much as their friends with siblings did, don’t you think they had to? Plus, only children don’t have “siblings” to take the heat from them when they get in trouble . . . or times are tough at home. They have to be creative to adapt or stay out of trouble. Your creative only child partner will keep things interesting and fresh. An only child as a partner is adaptive and inventive when the chips are down or up!

Read More:  8 Reasons Only Children Make Great Partners

One is an Awesome Number,

Laura