7 Reasons You Should Give Zero F*cks If Your Kid Isn’t Potty Trained Yet

So your kid isn’t potty trained yet? To hell with you! What kind of mother are you anyway?

Kidding.

Really, everyone learns to use the bathroom in his or her own time and we all know there are some adults that still “miss” the toilet, so is this really a tragedy? Does it really matter if your kid pees in a pull-up or in the super special Star Wars undies you bought for them? The answer to all these is a resounding NO.

Here are just seven reasons you should care less if your kid still isn’t potty-trained:

1. They Won’t Wear a Diaper to the Prom

Eventually, your child will get it. He won’t be begging you to change his diaper or wipe his butt as he rides off with a girl who looks older than you and like she might have an R-rated Instagram account.

2. Underwear Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up to Be

Really. Have you ever had your kid complain about a wedgie? Diapers are comfy, cushy and soft. Underwear rides up butts. You’ll just love when your kid pulls at their undies in public and another human laughs at your child—or worse—your kid insists these are the “worst underwear” ever.

Yes, that is an ACTUAL thing that children do to their parents in order to torture them. My daughter constantly tells me her undies are too tight or too loose. Meanwhile, they look perfectly fine to me. Argh!

Read More: 7 Reasons You Should Give Zero F*cks If Your Kid Isn’t Potty Trained Yet

Chillax,

Laura

Advertisements

10 Things I Did As A New Parent That I Would NEVER Do Again

As a first time parent there are always things you do because you’re a nervous newbie who’s learning on the go. Or in other words, new parenting is basically trial-by-fire and sometimes it can be explosive, especially those breastfed baby poops.

Here are a few things I wouldn’t do as a new parent if I had the chance to start all over again.

  1. Throwing big birthday parties

Since my former husband and I started celebrating our daughter’s birthday with a big celebration, it means the expectations are set high. To pull back and say, “Oh, let’s just havefamily over for cake” right now would be an epic fail because expectations have fallen into place. This does NOT mean that I can’t say, “Hey daughter, parties are expensive. Let’s scale down this year,” but it does make it harder.

Truthfully, I have one child and I don’t mind celebrating her birthday in style, especially for the first birthday (which is really a party for the parents, but maybe I would’ve gone more low-key after that until kindergarten). Once you set the bar high with anything in life, it’s hard to lower it; it’s key in all aspects of parenthood to set realistic expectations for our children.

Read More: 10 Things I Did As A New Parent That I Would NEVER Do Again

Live and Learn,

Laura

The Horror of Feeling Like All of Your Kid’s Mistakes Are Your Own

As a mom, there’s nothing worse than feeling like, “Oh crap — I made a mistake.”

Actually — wait. There is something worse.

If you thought making mistakes as a mom from small ones like buying the wrong cereal to ones as big as forgetting that huge science project is due today, there is no horror worse than when your kids mess up.

Why?

Is it society and history’s long view of mothers as perfect — always the “sufferer” for her children (even in the act of birthing a child), the pinnacle of virtue (think Mother Mary), the steadfast angel — that brings mothers to their knees with any and every mistake?

Is it our nature as women, period, to be critical of ourselves and introspective? To think that if our kids did something wrong, that means we are wrong as people and moms, period?

All of these are potential reasons that mothers hurt so much whenever our children go out into the world and come back with the naughty sticker on their heads, metaphorically speaking. I know for myself when my daughter acts out or has a bad moment, I cringe inside, thinking, “Oh man!” Sometimes, I know she’s tired, hungry, or hitting a developmental stage. Other times I think, “What could I do differently to prevent this? What could her dad do? What could we both do?” When you start to feel like you’ve failed or messed up as a parent because junior is acting out, consider these things.

Read More: The Horror of Feeling Like All of Your Kid’s Mistakes Are Your Own

Be Easy on Yourself,

Laura

Is Your Ex’s New Wife a Mom? If No, Does It Matter to You?

My ex has a new girlfriend and I have never met her. I know extremely little about her other than her occupation, where she lives (out of state very far away!) and who she lives with, and that she’s near my age and not a mom.

Does the last part matter to me? Well, sort of. Is “sort of” an answer? We don’t get to pick who are exes pair off with nor do we have any choice in how our exes introduce our kids to their partners or how they have their new flames interact with our kids (double too bad). This is one of the hardest parts about divorce: our children interacting with total strangers and sometimes staying over at these people’s homes. But it’s something we have to accept and cope with otherwise the possible anger, worry, and fear will consume us alive.

But does it matter to you if your ex’s new love is a mom or no?

Read More: Is Your Ex’s New Wife a Mom? If No, Does It Matter to You?

 

Laura

Divorced? Stop the Competition: Don’t Out-Shop Your Ex This Year

This year I am dreading the holiday spend on my own. It is double for me since we celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas, but I do try to avoid going crazy. My kid is 4 and won’t know if a few of her gifts are from the dollar store, right? When you get a divorce, it’s very easy to quickly fall into the Who’s a better parent competition, especially around the holidays. The fact is no one ever wins that competition usually and trying to outdo each other at the holidays is an even more pitiful race to try to win. For me, I have no clue what my ex is getting our kid and while he may out-shop me (my kid is his parents’ only grandchild), I know full well that it doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, our love is not measured in Disney trips, Christmas presents, and dolls. Our love is measured in the time we give to our kids. The attention, energy, and devotion we share and show for our little ones. No Barbie can say “I love you” quite like the gift of time. Enough said!

However, it’s fairly easy to feel insecure and guilty about your role as a parent after divorce. We know our little ones’ lives are affected by our marital demises, and it’s hard to not watch your ex’s life from afar and think perhaps he or she might have it better than you, but those types of thoughts are not worth your mental energy. We cannot give our kids our marriages back, but we can give ourselves and our children a happy life after divorce.

Read More: Divorced? Stop the Competition: Don’t Out-Shop Your Ex This Year

Don’t be Childish,

Laura

The 1 Postdivorce Activity You Must Do With Your Child

It can be hard to feel thankful about your life after divorce when you are divorced or a child of divorce, especially during the holidays. For the parents, it’s a matter of financial stress and sharing time or not seeing your kids on a holiday; it’s also about difficult feelings such as loneliness, grief, and maybe even anger. For a child of divorce, he or she may not be dealing directly with the financial stress, but a child can sense and absorb the adult’s pain and tension. A child can feel all of those emotions listed above too, such as grief over seeing one side of the family and not the other. A child can miss what it was like to be with his or her parents all in one house.

And the exhaustion of coparenting isn’t just during the holidays; it’s all year-round. The bouncing back and forth between homes. New stepparents and/or stepsiblings. Moving out of a familiar home. Seeing loved ones less. Sometimes a huge change of lifestyle. During my time writing about divorce, I have spent time interviewing 12 adults who were children of divorce and one subject said it rather well when discussing what it is like to go back and forth with two distinct families: “It can be humbling to live two different lives.”

Read More: The 1 Postdivorce Activity You Must Do With Your Child

Finding Perspective,

Laura

Dear Moms (and Dads): If Your Kid’s Whiny, You Only Have Yourself To Thank

Nothing good comes from whining yet from time to time, I have seen my daughter, my nephews and nieces, as well as all my friends’ children complain until the cows come home.

Was moaning and groaning successful for these kids? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I admit that as much as I try to toe the hardline, there are day I’m too tired to fight my daughter’s whining and just say, “Alright already.” But it’s a slippery slope and one I’m working hard to avoid sliding down. Because the fact is: if your kid is a whining, moaning, complaining mess there is only one person to thank for that — and it’s not genetics or your in-laws.

It’s you.

Read More:Dear Moms: If Your Kid’s Whiny, You Only Have Yourself To Thank

It’s My Party & I’ll Cry If I Want To? No Thanks,

Laura

Why I Tell My Daughter Girls Are Smarter Than Boys

The other day I took my daughter with me to the dry cleaners. As we were talking, ( I was getting pants tailored) I told her, “Girls are smarter than boys. Remember that.”

A woman in the dry cleaners looked appalled. She said to me, “Well we women need strong men. It’s important to have strong men.”

I looked at my daughter again, right in those impressionable toddler eyes and said, “Girls are smarter than boys honey.”

The woman repeated her diatribe, and I placated her with, “Of course, of course”, and then the conversation ended.

Look, I’m not anti-boy. I know there are plenty of smart men in the world, but that’s not what this is all about.

Continue reading