The Devastating Reason Why I’ll Never Have Another Child

At five weeks pregnant, the smell of an onion bagel toasting caused me to throw up. Sounds like normal morning sickness, right? But the puking didn’t stop. It was day in and day out—and not just from food smells but from motion, too. At 33 years old, I’d been married for three years, and was ready to have a baby. But I was worried.

The next week, I stopped eating—period. I tried preggie pops, crackers, you name it: Nothing stayed down. I stayed in bed each day and couldn’t even go to work. I lived on ice cubes. I could barely say two words to my (now ex) husband, and I’m a talkative gal, so he could tell something was wrong. Still, he wondered if I was just exaggerating. And while my friends knew I didn’t feel well, they didn’t quite understand what I was going through.

Read More: The Devastating Reason Why I’ll Never Have Another Child

It Sucks,

Laura

Dear Daughter: Why You’re an Only

Dear daughter:

I can’t tell you this today. You are only 5 years old. There are some things you have to wait to understand. But lately, you keep asking me for a baby sister. It’s always a sister. On occasion with some of your friends who are boys, you’ll request a brother but for the most part, the menu is: baby sister, baby sister, and more baby sister.

Last Summer, one day as we ate our dinner outside, you asked me if I could make you a baby sister. When I told you it “didn’t exactly work that way,” you then tried to offer your own services to carry “one baby brother” and me “a baby sister.” When I tried to explain to you that it still doesn’t work that way, you offered grandma’s services. Too bad that it still doesn’t work that way.

Read More: Dear Daughter: Why You’re an Only

While You’re Planning, Life Happens,

Laura

7 Things To NEVER Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility

Seriously. You’re not helping.

When someone experiences or goes through infertility, or pregnancy and infant loss, it’s very hard to tolerate just about anything someone might say. For a long time it can feel as if there are no correct words to help your heart heal, but on occasion, someone will say a gem that really makes you feel a little warmth and brightness during such a stressful and dark time in your life.

On the flip side, there are also the people who say things that you absolutely cannot believe another human being would have the balls to say to someone experiencing difficulty getting pregnant, grieving over the loss of a pregnancy or coping with a stillbirth.

If you or your loved ones are dealing with these heart wrenching issues, hand all the people you know and love this list of what NOT to say someone enduring fertility or pregnancy/infant loss.

1. “You can always adopt.”

After I miscarried, an old ex-friend of mine’s advice was “Well there are plenty of babies and kids looking for homes. You can always adopt.”

While that statement is true, number one, nowhere in that statement does it acknowledge the grief I experienced and number two: news flash sister: Not everyone can afford to adopt. I know I couldn’t back then and I still can’t! Throwing those words around is foolish. Adoption is a completely lovely way to grow your family, but not everyone is equipped to do so. Please, bite your tongue people.

Read More: 7 Things To NEVER Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility

Watch Your Tongue,

Laura

The Heartache of Being “Done” With Babies

Dare I say it: I think I am finished making babies.

I haven’t shut down the shop, but with my current odds, I think that having another most likely will never happen.

I’m almost divorced. I’m in my late 30s. I’m building my career. I went through the hardships of hyperemesis gravidarum in pregnancy twice and dealt with miscarriage. The odds of meeting someone amazing and fast and being stable enough work-wise to leave work and get sick and pregnant (plus risk my health) are pretty low. So when my ex signed over our martial home to the bank, I found myself sifting through our daughter’s old baby clothes picking which items to keep for myself, which to give away, and which to leave in storage for . . . a potential baby for my ex? For me?

Read More: The Heartache of Being “Done” With Babies

It’s Hard,

Laura