Mature Love, Immature Lust, Sex & In-between

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When I was younger, I often got too confused between sexual feelings and love. Good sex does not equal love or deep feelings. Just because a man or woman is attracted to you, does not mean that person cares. I stumbled a lot and met disingenuous people back then, but I’m older and wiser now.

Good sex is important in any relationship. There is no doubt that a powerful sexual connection and intimacy will be incredibly beneficial to a relationship and its longevity, but lust does not equal love. While sex can be compromised of two loving partners, it could also be composed of two people who simply are attracted to each other. Animalistic tendencies… Desire and lust does not mean someone actually cares about you or respects you on a deep level.

Immature lust comes with fun and pleasure, but does not come with connection, deep intimacy and deep respect— usually. Although you can lust for a partner you deeply love and you should respect anyone you’re intimate with. But typically, immature lust is just based on physical feelings. That person who lusts after you doesn’t necessarily care about you beyond a physical need. More often that not, you are a need that person wants to fulfill. But beyond that need… you don’t much matter on your own.

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When Someone is Never, Ever Satisfied With You

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Have you ever had a friendship or romantic relationship– even a work relationship or family relationship, where nothing could ever POSSIBLY please the person? Where you tried your damndest to steer the boat and keep things going… while the other person sat back, did nothing?

There is no greater hardship than having someone you care about or admire or work with who never appreciates you or anything you do. For the longest time. I have been quiet. I haven’t written– well, actually, I’ve been working on a novel– but I haven’t been blogging. I was considering simply shutting down my blog and starting a new one. Which I’ve still been thinking about… but that’s when this topic hit close to home with me and is prompting me to return to writing.

I think I have a bad habit of trying too hard to please people. I don’t enjoy conflict and I also, very much enjoy having friendships and romantic relationships. I am a people person. That said, I will do my best to really understand and assess the other person whether it’s work, friend or love, with the goal of making things work.

But I found myself constantly trying to please one person and always failing. The person was confusing and just difficult to predict. There I was steering the boat and trying to understand the course– and the person made it so I never knew where I really stood– or whether I was sailing the right course.

I was patient and things were quiet for a while. I thought I had figured the person and path out. The water was calm… and then it wasn’t. The person was not available like I needed. I missed all the good things about the person because they had become unreachable, withholding the good things I liked so much.

That’s when I had enough. Nothing I did was good enough– the person was never happy enough with me. I stopped trying. It was too much effort to steer the boat and try to keep things going on my own, while this person made it hard.

Moral of the shipwrecked story? Don’t kill yourself trying to make something work or someone happy. There will always be people who are difficult to please. If you’re not enough or right for them and nothing you do is good enough, than that person is the problem.

Setting Sail,

Laura

7 Easy Little Things She Wishes You Would Do (That Mean A Lot)

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We often overlook the little things that occur, thinking they’re not important when really, they mean so much to the other person. And sometimes, it’s when we ignore or forget to do those little things that the people we love feel unloved or not appreciated.

Funny enough, people often say women are so complicated but really, there are so many little things that we women appreciate that aren’t big gestures or grand gifts.

If you care about a special woman, here are 7 little easy things she wishes you would do to show her she’s important that will mean so much to her:

Make Dinner and Add Candles

Don’t ask her what to make. Just cook or order in, add candles and invite her over to relax. You can also bring the dinner to her or if you live together, tell her it’s on you tonight.

Wish Her Good Morning or a Good Day

We all get so busy that it’s hard to find time to communicate but a quick good morning text, kiss or call is always sweet.

Tell Her She’s Special or You’re Thinking About Her

It’s always nice to hear that you are special or that someone you care about is thinking about you.

Encourage Her After a Rough Day

When she’s had a bad day, supoort is always appreciated whether it’s a hug or word of encouragement.

Draw Her a Bath or Give Her a Massage

When she’s tired and has no energy, a bath or massage or both are small lovely gestures that will mean so much to her.

Surprise Her With Quality Time Together

A little surprise time together will uplift her spirits and make her feel that she is important to you.

Help Her Without Her Having to Ask

Your helping hands could mean so much, especially if you offer to help and she hasn’t asked.

Little Things Are The Big Things,

Laura

When You Realize Your Worth, You’ll Say Buh-BYE to Lazy Partners & Bad Offers

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There is nothing more joyous than owning your own happiness and realizing how worthy you are.

When you do, it suddenly becomes so easy to laugh off bad partners. To say goodbye to men or women who don’t appreciate you or your value. To not want someone who makes a crappy effort or half-ass effort to be in your life.

It just becomes clear overnight– yes, really— that you deserve better.

So, when your ex comes a calling with same lame offer to Netflix and chill or when some guy or gal who doesn’t really appreciate you wants to hang out– but not commit to you or date and show you how important you are to them–

It’s easy to say, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

For me, there is only one relationship, one situation worth entering into:

The one where the person really makes an effort, is excited to see me and be with me and enjoys being with me.

I am not interested in situationships. I am not interested in being someone’s option. I am not interested in being your or anyone’s friend with benefits.

I am only interested in someone who sees spending time with me as enjoyable and a MUST. Someone who really likes me and finds me fun to be around and wants to get to know me better.

Someone who knows how to ask someone on a date and follow through. Someone who is a good friend, too and caring.

Someone who sees my VALUE. Someone who sees me as so valuable, that he appreciates any second of my time.

That is all I am interested in.

Everyone else, can take their offers elsewhere. My price tag will not be on sale or reduced.

K? Thx. Bye,

Laura

 

Calling Someone Out on Their Cold Behavior Takes Guts

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I was excited to finally enjoy some alone time with a partner when the person announced he didn’t have any interest in seeing me.

Cold and heartless, I was so hurt.
There was nothing I had done wrong but this person had no desire to see me on the one chance I had free.

It was a glaring sign that this person not only didn’t care about me, but also thought very little of me and didn’t respect me.

I hit a wall. I had to call out the bad behavior because I had had enough.

The moral of the story? It’s hard to tell others how we feel but it’s necessary and when people are unkind and disrespectful , it’s necessary to say you’ve had enough.

Be Strong,

Laura

Why Giving Up & Deciding to Not Settle Anymore Is The Best Thing EVER

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Climbing up a mountain is exhausting, but when you hit the top– it’s amazing!

However, when you’re with someone who doesn’t love or care about you while you try to make things work, it’s like you’re climbing a mountain constantly. That’s exhaustion with no reward.

It is really hard to give up on someone you love but if the person is constantly letting you down, never making you a priority, not caring about you, not there for you and not investing in you, giving up and deciding to not settle is the best thing you can do.

When you really look at your relationship, are you happy? Does the person love you and make you feel loved? Do they make you and the relationship a priority? Do you really matter and are you a pivotal part of this person’s life or does this person just take you for granted? Are you an option they pick “sometimes?” Do they keep you on the sidelines? Do they make you feel like #2,3 or 500?

If the answer is yes, what are you waiting for?

Give up trying to make someone appreciate you and love you. It’s exhausting work and not worth your time. I bet if you count up all the minutes YOU prioritized your relationship while counting up all the minutes he/she DIDN’T prioritize your relationship, I am pretty sure you’d see what I mean.

You deserve someone who values you and your relationship. You deserve someone who makes you #1.

Stop settling and roaming around the dirt, never getting the love you deserve.

Start shooting for the stars and get what is meant for you.

All My Love,

Laura

6 Things He/She Must Do If That Person Supposedly Cares About You

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If someone cares about you, he or she puts the money where his or her mouth is.

There are just certain things they have to do, otherwise that person is not worth it, not reliable and a flake.

And these things by the way, are non-negotiable.

1. Asks You Out

Random hangouts or late night get togethers aren’t a sign that someone cares about you. It’s a sign that someone views you as convenient.

If someone cares about you, that person will ask you out and make a plan. No BS. No “Maybe we’ll do something.” That person just asks you out!

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Why Someone Stopped Caring About You

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Ever wonder why someone stopped caring about you? Did you ever stop to think that maybe you took that person for granted and he or she got tired of feeling unappreciated, taken for granted and unloved?

Maybe that person got tired of you hurting them, essentially?

Here are some reasons that someone who was good, kind and loving finally got tired of you letting him or her down, and stopped caring about you:

You Never Showed Your Feelings

Did you act like you cared? Did you go out of your way to make this person feel loved? Or did you just assume the person would sit around and wait for you to give love back forever?

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When You Can’t Go Further in a Relationship Due to the Other Person

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Every relationship– friendship or romantic– has a path. Some are meant to go the distance and others, not so much. Some relationships– romantic ones– never even take off. And that I think, is the worst.

To fail at a relationship or marriage is really sad and challenging. Devastating. But to me, a relationship that never takes off is even worse.

There is the feeling that with a failed marriage or relationship, at least you got to try and give it your all. You can look back and say, “Sure, I made mistakes, but I still gave it my all most of the time.”

When you are with someone and feel the potential but it never comes to fruition, there is never that feeling of “I tried and failed– but hey! I tried!”

Instead, there is the feeling of “What if?” and “Why?”

“What happened?” and “What went wrong?”

4 Signs Someone Isn’t Learning Life Lessons During Covid-19 Outbreak

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If you’re not growing and learning during this public health emergency, what exactly are you doing?
Some people seem to be missing the point of this challenging time. If you’re not getting the point — what is really important and what needs to be prioritized— you’re not learning.

Here are 4 signs you’re completely missing the point and learning nothing during this pandemic:

Lacking Commitment, Patience and Love for People Who Matter

If you can’t put down your issues and be present and available for the ones you love, you’re missing a big life lesson. If you can’t be patient with others ( and yourself) you’re also missing the point.
If you don’t prioritize someone now during this awful event— you have zero priorities.

Grumbling About When You’re Healthy

If you’re healthy, be grateful. Many people aren’t. It’s ok to be  upset about missing milestones and friends. It’s ok to be upset if you’re out of work. 

But if you’re missing the gratitude in being healthy, you’re missing the point.

Not Checking In on Loved Ones / Being an Absent Partner

Now is the time to check in however you can on loved ones from afar or in your home. Now is the time to be present. You’ll never have this kind of time at home again. Don’t make excuses. If you’re emotionally unavailable or checked out— you’ve got problems and you’re taking everyone for granted.

Being Hard on Yourself or Expecting Too Much of Others/ Oneself

Now is not the time to pressure yourself to be perfect or do fifty million things during a stressful pandemic. The same goes for others. Pressuring people or being hard on loved ones is not fair at this time. Be loving. Be patient. Be giving.

Be Safe!

Laura