What to Do When Someone Won’t Commit

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Photo by Nadia Jamnik on Unsplash

The other day, a friend was asking me for advice. He wanted to know what to do next.

Yup, male friends often turn to their female friends in these situations.

Someone he had been seeing and dating for a while had told him she didn’t want to further the relationship. They were really close and things were clicking … but then she said that while she really liked him, she wanted to be alone and stay away from committing or getting involved with him. He, heartbroken and looking to me for some solace, wants to be with her and told her he would be patient, but realized that there was nothing left he could do. He had tried so hard and was really great to her, but her position was firm: she wanted to be selfish at this point in her life, and as great as he is– it didn’t matter to her, sadly.  He knew the only thing he could do would be to move forward.

“What next?” he said.

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5 Reasons Your Friend, Love Interest or Partner Is Flaky

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Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Some people are flaky by nature.  They leave everyone sitting around, waiting and waiting and waiting …

Their personalities make them go from person to person, or thing to thing without seeing anything through. They never settle down with anyone and their hobbies change by the minute. This type of individual doesn’t necessarily mean any harm. They just (I guess) go by the seat of his or her pants until boredom hits, and then a change is needed.

But, if you are often or are hurt by someone’s flakiness, this can be incredibly frustrating.

Here are 5 reasons someone might be flaky and unreliable:

They May Be Stressed

We all can be flaky sometimes– especially if we are stressed and feeling like we’re being pulled in too many directions. This can lead to missed meet ups and phone calls.

The person might just be extremely stressed and having a hard time juggling things. He or she may be going through tough times. I know when I have hard times I can be forgetful or may need to retreat in and out of my social sphere to manage my feelings.

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Someone Who Cares Will ALWAYS Be There For You in These 5 Situations

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We all have times when we can’t be present for someone we love, but there are 5 situations where we should always be there for the person we care about, no matter what– unless we are sick or in an emergency situation.

Illness

My friend’s spouse was not there and present while my friend was sick with cancer.

To me, that’s unacceptable. If you care about someone, you are there for him/her through illness and pain.

Death

If your loved one has lost someone he or she loves, you should be there for them, even if there has been a fight. Helping someone through the grieving process is an act of love.

Legal or Family Matters

These situations can be tough to navigate, and so the person you care about needs a sympathetic ear or a shoulder to cry on.

Losing a Job

Losing a job is devastating and can be harder if the person was not expecting it or is financially unprepared for it. Being there for the person you care about will make the devastation not as bad.

Miscarriage, Infertility

Losing a child or realizing that having kids will either– a: not happen or b: be more difficult than someone had imagined is really hard.

If you care about the person, show up.

No matter what– show up for the person you care about.

To me, showing up is the greatest act of love someone can do for another person. We can’t solve our loved ones’ problems always or bring people back to life, but we can be there. That’s what matters most.

With Love To All Who Need It,

Laura

 

 

Men Who Do These 6 Things Are Incredibly Sexy

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Photo by John Schnobrich on Unsplash

Every person has his or her own language of love, but there are certain things that men do that women find attractive and sexy. Is it a universal rule that every woman will find these things irresistible? No, but there are many women who would agree that these actions or character traits are incredibly appealing. Read on and see just how irresistible (or not) you might be!

Surprising her– Spontaneity

Okay, some women want the outfit planned and everything timed to a T, however, there is something irresistible and so attractive when a man plans a surprise for us. It feels so thoughtful, romantic and fun to be surprised, whether it’s with a dinner, a visit, a trip away, a present– anything!

Releasing her from a burden– Helpful

A man she cares about know she’s stressed and needs to relax, so if he steps in to help take a burden off her shoulders or give her some extra love– this is very appealing.

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Thoughts on Holiday Romantic Highs & Lows

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Photo by Jared Sluyter on Unsplash

The holidays are a frenzied time of highs and lows for most people. If you’re entering into the New Year still a bit dizzy over the past few weeks, you’re not alone. Depending on your own personal situation with love, perhaps the holidays were very successful and romantic, or perhaps it was not at all. It may have even been a mix of highs and lows– that is life, after all. Here are some typical holiday romantic highs and lows, and how to deal with them as you enter in the new year.

You got amazing gifts from your loved one.

Your partner or love interest spoiled you rotten. After the high and delight from such care and love, you are probably feeling really confident in your relationship. Treasure it! And also realize that some times, your partner won’t be able to be as doting.

VS.

Your love interest didn’t get you a gift

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Emotionally Unavailable Men & Women Are Just Like Gated Bridges & Stop Signs

joseph-barrientos-Ji_G7Bu1MoM-unsplash.jpgPhoto by Joseph Barrientos on Unsplash

He wants his freedom. He is not available to date you.

She doesn’t want a relationship. She only wants to see you sometimes  when it’s convenient.

These “freedom lovers” view you as someone holding him or her back. These bachelors don’t want someone to get in the way of his or her agenda.

They want to do what they want– when they want!

They want to be free to date many people and never commit.

Or, just sleep around and dodge intimate pillow talk.

You– wanting and loving you– are in the way of that freedom. Your desire to feel needed, appreciated and close is a noose on this person’s neck.

This is what it’s like with emotionally unavailable partners. And if sex is involved well,  sex is fine, but not commitment. Sex is fine,  but not intimacy. (I repeated for a reason).

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Is She Worthless to You or Worthwhile?

 

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Photo by Natalie Breeze on Unsplash

Okay gentlemen and ladies– or anyone dating or caring for a woman– let’s be real:

Do you make her feel worthy or worthless?

Do you even know?

I had a friend whose partner was so abusive and controlling, she couldn’t see it. My mom and I tried to point it out, but it was impossible. She didn’t get it. Even with both of us pointing out the obvious, it went over her head.

Sure, he bought her gifts. Sure, he was “there” for her. But he was also, controlling and insulting.

Same with another friend. Her ex was stalking her when angry. He was “great” the rest of the time she said.

And hey, I had an ex who was nice and calm when he was nice, and then when he wasn’t, he would insult me and tell me I was only good because I was hot. That no one would want me for anything but my body.

So, were these men treating my friends or myself as worthy or worthless?

To me, worthless! It didn’t matter if they were nice sometimes. The fact was, they weren’t nice and kind all the time.

Here are signs you’re making her feel worthless– letting her flower wilt VS worthwhile– helping her bloom:

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Is Your Love Interest or Partner More Than “Friends” With Someone Else?

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He says they’re “just friends.” She says they dated “ages ago,” but are now friends.

Okay– these statements can be totally true. I’ve stayed friends with people I have dated. I have friends of both sexes and all sorts of orientations. I mean, a lot of people have friends outside of their romantic relationship- without any sort of physical attraction or desire for these friends.

However,  sometimes, a friend may be more than a friend. Just consider the tale rapped by the great Biz Markie. On occasion, you may be wondering how truly friendly your love interest or partner is with someone. You’ve had doubts and despite the “just friend” response, you feel uneasy. Is the person being honest?

Here are some things to consider if you find yourself questioning if your love interest, partner or spouse might be more than friends with someone:

How committed is this person to you?

Is he or she a loving spouse or partner? Is he or she a very available and attentive love interest?

If the person is attentive, loving and available, your fears are probably not founded. Just paranoia.

If the person is not very attentive, loving or available, then you might have a problem.

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8 Ways to Say I Love You Without Really Saying It

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Saying “I love you” is certainly important and meaningful, but there are many ways to say those 3 words without really saying them. And why wouldn’t someone want to just say “I love you?”

There are many reasons:

  • It’s boring to just use the words constantly without backing them up with actions!
  • Someone might not be ready to say those words– and therefore, would rather show love instead of make a declaration.
  • Someone could love you but not really realize it yet.

Truly, showing someone you love them is the most important thing of all– above and beyond those 3 little words.

Here are ways you can show someone love, without having to speak a word.

Eliminating or Assisting With a Burden

Helping someone with work or a task that stresses the person out is a great way to show love.

Caring When You’re Sick

Got a sick partner or love interest? Caring or helping the person in some way is an act of love.

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How to Talk to Her Before You Lose Her for Good

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Photo by Jenna Norman on Unsplash

Women aren’t as complicated as we get pinned for. Truly, all we want is to feel:

  • Valued
  • Heard (Listened to)
  • Cared for and Respected

It’s not rocket science and it doesn’t require any ab-bearing or fish-caught touting selfies to make us happy.

If you really give a crap about a woman and you have a pulse, you can change how you speak to her and make her even happier to ensure she cares about you for years to come.

Or, you can keep missing the mark. You decide.

Be Specific– Not Cookie-Cutter

Instead of saying I had a good time, say something like:

  • I really enjoyed spending time with you because I felt like I learned more about you.
  • Coming over was great– I loved being close to you and getting time to relax.

Share Your Feelings- Don’t Be Scared

Instead of saying after intimacy, a kiss or sex That was nice, say something like:

  • I really feel closer to you after that– which is amazing.
  • Wow– how lucky am I to have you next to me?
  • You feel amazing and make me happy.

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