The Benefits of A Relationship Vs. Benefits of Being Single

You want to date or you want to be alone. All of this is dependent on your perspective and current needs.

Dating someone or being single both have pro’s and cons– and it’s up to you to decide which “pros” are more desirable.

Here are the pros of being part of a couple versus being a swinging single:

Happily Coupled

1. Safe sex (usually)

Not only is the sex safe, but the sex is often reliable, enjoyable and experimental if you two so choose. When a relationship is safe and happy, often two people can really explore their desires and this is amazing. Not to mention without fear (usually) of STD’s etc. Of course, many people want a monogamous situation, and this will limit the ability to be with others.

2. Shared resources

When you’re part of a couple, you usually share mental, financial and physical resources. Two are better than one as the saying goes. You have someone to turn to and vice versa. It is very beneficial.

It does mean that you often cannot act without someone else weighing in on these resources.

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Gratitude: This Single Mom Sees Wins & Rewards Everywhere– Despite Hardship

After a very difficult few weeks– and a few still upcoming, I was pretty spent. Tired, lack of appetite and a bit quiet.

Yet, as Thanksgiving, Christmas and Hannukah and the New Year approaches, I remain pretty grateful even despite.

I didn’t find love or create as much work as I wanted to in 2019. I didn’t do as much financially as I wanted to in terms of debt management or savings.

But I did pay down quite a bit. I did make some huge strides financially. I learned a whole new skill (tap dancing and jazz). I improved my turns (ballet) and form at the barre. I wrote and found new clients and did my final pieces for former clients. I just got word from another writer about forming a long-distance writing group. I may do two recitals in 2020.

And I got closer to my child.

This past weekend, I got so many hugs from her– and I could see the results of the care I provide and protection I give for her. More often than not, I put myself aside to make things work for her. I am one person with a lot of responsibility so sometimes, I cannot do as much as I would like– but I am still one person who really cares.

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What Its Like to Be a Reluctant Dater

I took a break this year– about 5.5 months from dating altogether. I needed a break from the swiping, chatting and searching. It wasn’t getting me far and I wasn’t having fun. I enjoyed a nice peaceful summer at the beach and I don’t regret it.

Now, I’d like to date but I find myself reluctant on many levels and I wonder if I will ever have someone pull me out of this reluctancy.

To start, I married the wrong person– and I am reminded of this periodically even after all this time. The good news is I’m divorced. Happily. Separated almost six years and divorced almost four years.

So why still the hesitancy?

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6 Things You Must Do to Be a Good Partner

It doesn’t matter if you’re young or old, gay or straight or bi or any other orientation. It doesn’t matter if you are never married, married twice or newly divorced.

If you want to get love from someone, you have to give back of yourself.

Relationships shouldn’t be one-sided; they are reciprocal arrangements where both people get to exist happily according to each other’s various needs.

These are the 6 key things you must have and give to be a good partner.

Let’s get started:

1. Must be giving: you cannot take constantly or be selfish. However, in each relationship there are times where one person can be more selfish than the other and vice versa. This is “okay” as long as it is balanced in the long run and both parties feel validated.

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The Recipe for a Great Relationship

The recipe of a good partner is a mix of connection, chemistry, dedication and direction.

Connection— the feeling of closeness, comfort and unity.

Chemistry– the feeling of passion and desire.

Dedication– the act of continuous care, collaboration and work.

Direction– is the act of taking your connection, chemistry and dedication for each other forward.

Without a good dose of all of these ingredients combined, your relationship will lack.

Can you imagine a partner with chemistry but has no dedication or direction? What about a partner that has dedication with no chemistry?

To really have love take off, you need the right mix, but which ingredient is more important than the other?

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That Moment When You Realize You Deserve More

There is no moment more magical than the moment where you realize you deserve more. Better. The best.

The only moment more magical would be meeting someone you love and cherish. The first time you set eyes on that person.

But the moment when you realize that you’re getting shortchanged and deserve better is a pivotal moment.

Because two things can happen in that moment:

1- You commit to demanding better for yourself OR

2- You recognize you deserve better, but keep living the same damn way.

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Life Tip: Women Want to Hear How You Feel

Men ask me for advice rather frequently about the ladies. And one of the biggest things I always say is to tell her how you feel.
Every woman and person is different, but there are quite a few of us who really love to get that verbal affirmation from our partner. If you’ve ever looked into the 5 love languages, then you know what I mean. If you haven’t– verbal affirmation is a love style; people who have this preference enjoy hearing their partners express their feelings, getting praise or  hearing expressions of love from their mates.

For me, this is one of my strong love styles.

So, if you are a man who can’t or won’t express how he feels and you meet a woman who needs this, you are in deep, deep poop.

Here is why:

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6 Lessons I Learned About Love Thanks To Eighties Music Videos

I watched an abnormally amount of MTV as a child so I suppose it’s rather cool that I ended up an MTV personality back in the day. But, what I really learned from all those logged hours of RUN DMC videos, 120 Minutes, Head Bangers Ball, and Yo! MTV Raps goes beyond my love of music and straight to lessons I learned about love via the music video. I’m not saying that these lessons or “key points” were always the sanest tips on love, but that I was an impressionable young mind getting interesting impressions, to say the least!

Grab Your Love Interest’s Attention By Any Means Necessary

Okay, so writhing and doing a split on one or two cars— the split between the two vehicles is even more creative—seems a little out there, no? But Tawny Kitaen certainly made a point in Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again,” video: if you want to catch your love’s eye, you better stop traffic. Literally. Being a wallflower won’t get you anywhere, for the most part, in love.

Read More: 6 Lessons I Learned About Love Thanks To Eighties Music Videos

Rock On,

Laura

The Most Important Thing to Look For in a Partner as a Single Man or Woman

As you’re swiping, scoping or chatting with potential partners, I bet the first two things that strike you are:

  • The person’s looks
  • The person’s attitude

After you’ve assessed those two basic things, you drill down into the nitty gritty– especially if you’re a single parent dating:

  • Do they have kids? If yes, do they see them often. If no, do they want kids?
  • Were they married? Do they want to get married again?
  • What do they do for work?
  • What’s the person’s lifestyle like?
  • What are the person’s goals for the next year or so?
  • Where do they live? Is it far from you? Do they live on their own or with other people?

All of these things give you an idea of whether you’ll want to date them– or not. And truly, they are all important factors but after it’s all said and done and you’ve found someone who fits the bill on all of the previously mentioned factors– consider this one single most important thing you should look for in a partner:

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Everyone Deserves Someone Who Chooses Them, Each And Every Single Day

One of the reasons I am single is that I haven’t met someone who I would choose and who would choose me,  to be with, each and every morning.

Really, being in a relationship means waking up and deciding— “Yeah man, I’ll be with you for another day because it makes me happy and I can’t imagine not being with you. “

We all deserve that person who chooses to be with us when he or she wakes up. Who turns to us and thinks, “You make my life pretty damn good, you know that?”

We don’t need someone who kinda sorta likes us. We don’t need someone who is with us because he or she is afraid of being alone, bored, lonely, needy or looking for a financial meal ticket or source of stability.

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