Is It Better to Forgive or Stay Angry: Emotions of Heartbreak

Anger is a powerful thing. Sometimes, I wish I were a man. It seems when men are angry, they just duke it out– get bloody– get over it. In that order. Not that I’m particularly thrilled at the idea of blood (hardly), but I like the idea that the anger goes away after the punch is thrown. Well– maybe I’m idealizing the matter a little bit 😉

How do we get over our anger when someone hurts us? How do we manage to heal when someone has hurt us so bad? How do we forgive? Or do we not? I don’t have the answer. All I can wager to bet is a few things– and I can’t say I’m the expert.

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What It’s Really Like to Give Up Dating & Dating Apps: 5 Month Challenge Progress

I recently made a commitment to myself to stop dating for five months to sort of refresh myself and take a break from the whole thing. About two weeks previous to that post, I cut out dating apps, so it’s been about 3 weeks and I have to say … I feel a lot better.

Giving up never felt so damn good– in other words.

I was not enjoying my experience on the apps and if it’s not fun, why bother? Life is too short and I am too busy to spend my little free time on an endeavor that doesn’t bring me happiness.

Not to mention, I have still been getting over a situation for quite a long time. I told myself that I should be over it– but I am not. As I’ve said before in numerous articles I’ve written– grief and heartache have no real timeline. I tend to veer away from long-term relationships only because I rarely meet someone I click with enough to make it worth my time. I tend to get bored quickly, and I have a very full life. If someone doesn’t bring a lot to the table, I would rather not get deeply involved as for me, my time is precious.

So, here’s what I have learned from stepping away from the whole dating process and trying to get past some of my hang-ups, thus far. And here’s how well I’ve done committing to myself for the last few weeks.

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Putting The Brakes on Dating & Rethinking Relationships: My 5 Month Challenge

While I would love a relationship … it hasn’t come along easily for me or at all– in the past five years I’ve been single.

I’ve had many dates and many conversations with men, but I haven’t felt much of a connection with anyone that would last. I met one guy initially who seemed great– but that fizzled out fast. I met another guy who was nice, but too immature. I had a bunch of nondescript crappy dates or flings.  Then, I met one person who I had an amazing special connection with, but he didn’t want a relationship.

I have spent a lot of time trying dating apps or sites. I have spent a lot of time wondering why I didn’t find much of a connection with anyone or why things don’t seem to work out. Wondering what I could do differently or what I did wrong. Wondering if I bypassed the wrong person— or wondering if I had been looking in the wrong places.

Period: I just spent too much damn time thinking about it and feeling bad about it. I have spent a lot of time leaving dates feeling like, “Man, this sucks. I am not feeling it.”

This method isn’t working. If insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, I am insane.

So, I’m doing something different now: My 5 month challenge or commitment to myself.

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Why Does My Partner Go From Hot to Cold & Back Again?

There is nothing more frustrating than having a partner rescind his or her warmth and love. Especially if in return, you get a cold front.

It’s like having a relationship with someone who exists in a room: the door opens and so does your partner and then, the door closes … and so does the access to your partner.

I’ve been down this road before where a love interest or partner would shut me out and let me in … I know how painful it can be to deal with. I know the questions that run in your mind and that maybe keep you up at night. I also know what it’s like to walk away from that person. At times, my ex-husband could be very cold.

Here are a few reasons that could explain your partner’s mood changes from cold to hot, and hot to cold.

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The Man/Woman Who Push-Pulls Your Relationship: What You Need to Know

You have someone in your life, male or female, who comes close to you, and then drifts further away. This person approaches you on his or her terms, gets involved, and then runs for cover while you’re left feeling abandoned, doubtful of yourself and in pain.

Sound familiar?

Welcome to the push-pull cycle. Where the partner comes in, withdraws, comes in and withdraws again, all to your detriment.

Why the hell is this happening? Why does this man/woman do this? I bet you’ve said all of those things, more than fifty times in your own head.

In my twenties, I experienced this for a bit with a guy. I ended up cutting it off, and we became friends right away. Thank god. He was a much better friend, then a sexual partner and boyfriend, and I was happy to offer friendship. Years later, he kicks himself and says how beautiful I am and wonderful. We are still friends, years later! We’ve been there for each other through a lot. It’s pretty awesome.

Trust me– I see how he aged and how I aged. He regrets it. He was afraid I was too free-spirited for a committed relationship. It turns out I wasn’t, but at least we could be friends … and for 15 years!

If you are reading this page and landed here like me, you probably are the one who is being pushed and pulled away. You probably feel really bad about yourself, wondering why this person would do this to you. You probably feel down about yourself, wondering what you did wrong. You probably feel downright crazy.

Wipe your tears, get your sexiest outfit or– whip out your razors boys, and stop blaming yourself.

Learn what’s what with this push-pull character

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Tips For Your First Date After Divorce

Going out on the first date after divorce or separation is quite a doozy for most people. Think of it as like a cocktail of emotions—a dash of excitement, a sprinkle of dread and a dousing of nerves—and voila—you’ve got the first date after divorce.

Of course, the situation is different for everyone. If you’re going out with an ex or an old friend, your “spidey senses” won’t be as tingling since the person is familiar. If you’re venturing out with an online date or app match, chances are your nerves are in overdrive because, let’s face it: the online experience is a kooky one.

You might even feel a little guilty that first date out, even though you shouldn’t. Guilt over moving on or guilt over being so excited about a date and maybe not caring at all about your ex.

Read More: Tips For Your First Date After Divorce

You’ve Got This,

Laura

6 Steps to Get Over Someone for Good

Have you been crying or depressed over someone? Agonizing over why the person won’t commit, dumped you or is annoying in some other way?

Join the club. We’ve all felt that torturous sting of love. The one woman/man who can’t make up her mind. The guy/gal who can’t commit for sh*t. The other flake who dumped you out of nowhere. The dude that ghosted you.

It’s hard to recover when your heart hurts and it feels like the pain will never end. But it will.

Read on for 6 steps on how to get over that chump, get your revenge and move forward!

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6 Lessons Learned After Being Divorced for Three Years

Very shortly, it will be 3 years since my divorce date and over 5 years since I have been separated from my ex-husband. As it gets close to that date each year which also is right next to our wedding anniversary ironically, I always reflect on the trials, wins, and growth I’ve made in that time. In some ways, I always find myself a bit short of where I want to be, and in other ways, I always find that I’ve surpassed my expectations. Now that it’s almost three years out, here’s what I’ve learned, where I’ve been, and where I’m headed.

1. DOING THE RIGHT THING ALWAYS PAYS OFF

There were many times when it came to my ex or things involving him where friends would say I was “too nice” or going out of my way.
This isn’t to say that I always did the right thing each time, but that overall, I usually tried to do the right thing.

I think it’s paid off. I think my daughter has learned a lot from my example, and I think it has helped bridge the gap and heal relationships between myself and my ex’s family. I think it’s helped to ensure that my daughter has a relationship with them as well. I even see some positive changes between my ex and me, so I’ll take them.

Read More: 6 Lessons Learned After Being Divorced for Three Years

Learning & Growing,

Laura

I’m a Type A: Here’s What I Could Learn From Type B’s

Ever since I was little, I have always had a strong personality and Type A ways. Not extremely Type A, like ironing my curtains or heading up every PTO class, but Type A as in as a child, I secretly (and quietly in my head) hated when people put my toys back in the wrong spot and as an adult, I am very organized and rely on to-do lists, reminders and documents to keep me on track and progressing.

In my life, this has benefited me in many ways. I managed my life as a comedian and actress for a long time because of this. I excelled in college due to my personality traits. And as a single mom, I have picked myself up and dusted myself off with my guts, determination, organizational skills, and direction. This has helped me infinitely in terms of adjusting to life with just me and my little one.

Read More: I’m a Type A: Here’s What I Could Learn From Type B’s

Always Learning,

Laura

6 Lessons Learned on My Three-Year Divorce Anniversary

Very shortly, it will be 3 years since my divorce date and over 5 years since I have been separated from my ex-husband. As it gets close to that date each year which also is right next to our wedding anniversary ironically, I always reflect on the trials, wins, and growth I’ve made in that time. In some ways, I always find myself a bit short of where I want to be, and in other ways, I always find that I’ve surpassed my expectations. Now that it’s almost three years out, here’s what I’ve learned, where I’ve been, and where I’m headed.

1. DOING THE RIGHT THING ALWAYS PAYS OFF

There were many times when it came to my ex or things involving him where friends would say I was “too nice” or going out of my way.
This isn’t to say that I always did the right thing each time, but that overall, I usually tried to do the right thing.

Read More: 6 Lessons Learned on My Three-Year Divorce Anniversary

Growing,

Laura