Why This Working Mom Loves Stay-at-Home Moms

I have been on both sides of the great motherhood coin.

I was once the stay-at-home mom (SAHM) who worked from home at night, or on Sundays strictly part-time, but I was mostly home. I didn’t miss a day with my daughter, and now, I am a working single mother who uses after care and, sometimes, before care. From managing the home front full-time to working 9-to-5 or later full-time, I have done it all. I can tell you the pros and cons of both situations. I can wax poetic on the battles I had as an SAHM, versus the battles I have now as a working parent.

No matter which side of the coin you are on, parenting is a hard job.

I have never understood why other women feel the need to make anyone else’s parenting choice — whether it to be at home or to work — their business. No one’s situation is the same, and for many of us, our situations change and develop as our kids grow. As mothers, we have seasons in our lives in which we have to decide how to prioritize our time, money, and lives based around our kids’ unique developmental needs.

So bottom line, how does putting someone else down for her choice or comparing your situation to someone else’s make anything any better?

Read More: Why This Working Mom Loves Stay-at-Home Moms

Thank You Ladies,

Laura

3 Things Stay-at-Home Moms DON’T Want to Hear

Back when I was a stay-at home mom (before my working-mom days) there were quite a few people who would throw these seemingly “innocent little” phrases out at me or at other mothers that were insulting to the core. Whether a woman is a stay-at-home mom by choice, because day care is too expensive, or both — or heck any other reason, doesn’t mean she’s home living it up and eating bon-bons. OK? Thanks!

I Wish I Could Stay Home All Day

I see a LOT of moms do this now in moms’ groups and private boards. As a working parent I understand missing being home, seeing my kid more and the struggle of working-mom life, but comments like the one above is all-out nasty. It makes it sound as if a mother is staying home doing nothing.

Read More: 3 Things Stay-at-Home Moms DON’T Want to Hear

Supporting All Women & Moms,

Laura

Your Kid Doesn’t Have to Love You: Mother Guilt

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Just because you gave birth to a kid, it doesn’t mean that child owes you his or her lifelong pledge to love you.

Sure, your child probably loves you unconditionally, but like all relationships,what you put into your child, will be what he or she will give back to you.

I am a good mother. I mean, I am as good of a mother as I can be. I mess up, and I’m not a DIY-pinterest mom who handmakes her kids organic band-aids and churns her child’s butter with the milk from a grain-fed cow, but I do my best and measure in highly on all the choices I make for her.

That said, lately I wonder if my kid loves me. Continue reading

To the Stay-At Home Mom: You’re Doing A Good Job

To the Stay-At Home Mom: You’re Doing A Good Job

Once upon a time, just a few shorts months ago, I was a SAHM who worked very part-time and freelanced from home. My days were consumed with cooking, chores, play dates, park trips, and cleaning. My biggest complaint was feeling as if my brain was going to die from lack of use, and feeling as if I were a maid. My biggest perk was all of the time spent with my daughter, and enjoying play dates.

Now I am gone from the house 60 hours a week, and here’s what I have to say to the SAH moms of the present and future:

You’re doing a good job mommy.

To the dads that are supporting you? You’re doing a great job dad, and here are some reasons why you should support your “staying-at-home” mommy. Continue reading

Mom At Work: the 2nd generation of working moms

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I recently went back to work. I like my job a lot. I work with smart, nice, and hard-working people. I enjoy using my writing skills, and the office environment is positive. I hunted for a job for a long time, and I was thinking I was this close to becoming a mail-order girlfriend for some guy in a foreign country when voila, a job came along. Finally.

Yet going back to work is not without its costs, but what can I do? Money doesn’t grow on trees like every parent from the beginning of time has told us.

My mom stayed at home until I was of kindergarten age. When she went back, I was not happy. I hated the fact that she worked at night. At least I saw her, but not for too long. She worked a graveyard shift, and so I remember on Hannukkah opening gifts and then leaving a thank you note for her to read when she got home. It felt sad doing that.

The first time I really angry about her being gone was when my 1st grade class had a dinosaur contest and she couldn’t make it.

That morning, she handed me a little brown felt teddy bear pin with a black bow. He was adorable, but I hated him with a passion.

“Stupid Bear,” I thought, knowing that no bear could take the place of seeing your parent’s face in a crowd full of nameless faces as you sing awesome songs about TRex and Brontosaurus.

I especially hated going to babysitters’ homes, although they were all pretty nice. I especially liked one woman who had  a quiet home and two sons my age. Still, I couldn’t wait to get home and be in my house, with my things. It annoyed me.

Now, the shoe is on the other foot. My kid is 2.5 in just a few days. She’s younger than I was when my mom first left me, so in some ways it means she will get used to it, but on the other hand, she’s too young to complain to me like I did to my mom.

My industry is rather far from my home, so I have to make quite a trek to get to work, at least until we move.

Both Grandparents and Dad helps with the pick-up and drop-off at school. Montessori was the program we chose, and so far, we are all happy. It’s just not the same though. It’s not the same hearing about your child’s day from other people. I feel cheated knowing that everyone is getting so much time with her, yet I am not. And on the weekends and evenings when I am not home as late, I eat up the minutes I have with her.

Walking through the bus station today, I saw a little girl that reminded me of her, and I felt like I could cry.

Being a mom is crappier than the books make it out to be sometimes.

If you are working, you are missing your child, and feeling as if you’re not the best worker because you may have to leave early to get your kid. Or maybe you’re on the phone with daycare or the school about your child. Maybe you are worried he or she is sick.

When you are home, you are so happy, and try not to think of work, but that can be tough.

When I was little, many moms worked, but a lot stayed at home as well. For my daughter, the tables have turned. Many moms are working as compared to staying home.

I just feel as if working has made me a “mom on the sidelines,” and the worst aspect is relinquishing control to people who may mean 100% well, but just aren’t you.

I know Dads are awesome, but the title of Mom is one that’s earned through pregnancy and beyond.

I feel as if I should always be there, and not that I cannot always be there, somehow I have decided that this means I am less worthy of a mom.

That I am failing in some ways.

Yet work brings such satisfaction and money, that I know these things are pivotal for me, and in turn, my kid. I’m a role model, yet I wish there was a better way to balance things, as so many of us moms do.

I remember the crazy feeling I would sometimes get as a SAHM, and it truly can be emotionally draining and lonely, but man, SAHM cherish the time with your kids while you have them. Soon enough, you will be getting reports on your child’s daily life from a teacher, stranger, or family member, and while it’s great for my kid to be socialized, have a village of people around her, and learn at school, it feels as if I am slowly saying goodbye before I am ready.

I guess that’s what being a parent is though: slowly saying goodbye while teaching our kids to be independent