Forgiving Yourself Is As Important As Forgiving Others

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Growing up with parents coming from two different religious backgrounds has so many pluses. One is it has made me more open to others’ viewpoints. At the same time, I don’t feel aligned with any religion really. I do find both Jewish and Christian traditions interesting and meaningful. So, I am spiritual but I’m not religious.

But for the first year ever, I thought about what Yom Kippur really means. Asking for forgiveness for sins and forgiveness of others. Supposedly, it’s the time of year where G-d decides your fate and therefore, you’ve got to make amends, and fast.

I thought about who I would apologize to, however anyone I may have wronged I’ve certainly apologized to. And if there’s anyone out there I offended, well, I am truly sorry!

But I think the person I am most sorry to is myself. For being so hard on myself.
The way I’ve talked to myself and about myself.
The way I’ve judged myself and compared myself.
The way I’ve doubted myself and criticized myself.
The way I talk to myself is most often, much harder than how I’ve talked to anyone else!
It is like I’m in some competition where the goals to be fabulous are so high and not obtainable that I beat myself to death for not being enough.
But if there is one thing I am, it is tenacious and persistent. I try so hard to be my best self. To be better. To do better. Be a better mom. Person. Partner. Friend. Worker. Etc.

Here is what I don’t do: give myself a break. Be kind to myself. Compliment myself. Believe in myself.

So here is a huge apology to myself for being so bad to myself at times.

Lovingly,

Laura

How Someone Treats You Is a Reflection of Who They Are

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Someone hurt my feelings a bit ago, and I found myself wondering what I had done to earn such behavior. When I dug deep, I realized I had done … nothing. When I spoke to a confidante about the matter, the person said plainly:

This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with this person’s self- view and own issues.

This is good advice.

How people treat us is often an indicator of how they view themselves and feel about themselves, more than anything.
Self- esteem and confidence. Past issues. These factor into many of our behaviors when we interact with others.

So, the next time someone hurts you remind yourself that this person’s actions are a reflection of how he/ she feels about him or herself. It has nothing to do with you.
Not to mention, your actions are in relation to how you feel about yourself.

All we can do is control our own actions. We can’t control if others hurt us or make bad choices. We can just choose how to respond and move forward.

Be Strong,

Laura

10 Sayings Every Strong Woman in Her 40’s Should Embrace

There comes a time in your life as a woman when you embrace every last quirk you have, flaunt your strengths and accept your weaknesses like a queen meeting her subjects.

That time is 40.

It’s not that you are cocky or “better-than.” It’s just that as a strong independent 40-year-old woman you own who you truly are with no apologies. And if you are guilty of apologizing too much, (hands up—that’s me!) you know this is your issue, and you own your issues. Your baggage is baggage, but it’s yours and wholly-owned.

I wish so much I could go back to my twenty-something year-old self and shake her. Have a talk with her. A stern talking to. . .

With my thirty-year-old self, I’d do the same thing, but with a little more finesse. I was more polished at 30 than 20, obviously.

For all of you ladies stepping into or currently owning your forties, you’ll find that these quotes or sayings will resonate with you. When you’re feeling not so strong or need a pick-me-up or a reminder of how great you are, read these.

Read More: 10 Sayings Every Strong Woman in Her 40’s Should Embrace

Work It,

Laura

 

7 Signs You Literally Have ZERO Respect For Yourself, Girl

You’re a great person. Trouble is, you don’t realize it. You’re too busy undermining your own worth that you’re not questioning how others treat you. In your eyes, people treat you badly because a) you think you deserve it, or b) you think you keep having “bad luck.”

The reality is, you’ve got no self-respect and therefore, you keep attracting some pretty undesirable people in your life. Here are seven signs you’ve got no self-respect and it’s seriously hurting your life.

  1. You’re the “doormat friend.”

If you’re always the one that people ask things for without giving back anything in return, you’re what they call a “doormat.” Do people get away with murder when it comes to you? Are you frequently left picking up other people’s messes? Do people just expect that “you’ll do it”?

If you answered yes, you’ve got no self-respect and are letting people walk all over you.

Read More: 7 Signs You Literally Have ZERO Respect For Yourself, Girl

It’s the Truth,

Laura

 

Why You Shouldn’t Always Tell Your Daughter She’s Pretty

I hear myself saying “Oh, that looks very pretty” or “I love what you’re wearing” or “You’re very pretty” when I meet or see a little girl I know. It’s a knee-jerk response conditioned from years of growing up around five women and one man (my dad) who worked in the garment business and knows how to speak to women. One of the first things almost everyone does when they meet a woman is compliment her appearance.

Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty.

You look great. Fabulous. Did you lose weight? I love your shoes. Where did you get that dress? I really like your mascara.

She’s such a pretty girl. What a beautiful girl you are!

Read More: Why You Shouldn’t Always Tell Your Daughter She’s Pretty

Tell Her She’s Strong,

Laura

Why I Won’t Be Mrs. Nice Guy Anymore

There was never a day in which someone said to me, “You know Laura? You’re really a bitch,” and meant it. When speaking with love interests, this was always a plus. I could say that no man had ever called me a bitch, which was a signal that, “Hey man — I won’t do you dirty.”

Is it nice to be known as a “nice girl?” Sure. No one wants to be viewed as a total jerk, but some days, I wish I were a “bitch.” Here’s why.

A nice girl gets walked on. Her love partners shortchange her, lie to her, diminish her and give her the short end of the stick. What does the nice girl do? She admonishes her partner sweetly and usually turns the other cheek.

Read More: Why I Won’t Be Mrs. Nice Guy Anymore

Not Taking Shit,

Laura

What I Want To Tell My Daughter About Divorce

What do I want to say to my daughter about divorce? So many things … like:

“You are obsessed with fairy tales and still believe that the prince saves the princess in distress. As you get older, you will learn fast that you are no woman in distress, nor do you want to be! No one but you needs to save yourself. Until then, though, keep believing in happy endings and happily ever afters.”

Read What I Want To Tell My Daughter About Divorce in PopSugar.

With Unicorn-Filled and Cotton Candy Dreams,

Laura

Mom in the Mirror

Dear Mom in the Mirror:

You didn’t make anything homemade today.

All you do was heat up leftovers, slacker.

Your kid was bad in the store today, so you had to withdraw a privilege, and now you feel like crap.

You know it had to be done, but you work so much Mom, that when you have to be Bad Cop, which it always seems that that role is on you, it hurts.

Shouldn’t you have predicted your kid would act out? Shouldn’t you have known Mom?

What are you doing wrong to make your kid act so out of character?

Are you a bad Mom, mom?

Continue reading

Signs You Have Lowered Your Standards: The Low Self-Esteem Meter

Have you recently suffered a negative interaction with someone?

Have you recently stuck your head into an oven because you couldn’t stand one more minute dealing with people who suck?

Have you considered becoming a meth dealer and taking over the world, a la Walter White?

Are you unsure if you are settling for the same old BS that you swore you wouldn’t settle for anymore?

If you answered yes to any of these questions or you just simply want to amuse yourself or are incredibly bored, read on.

If someone is nice to you and you think, “Wow, this person is nice to me today. this is awesome,” 

You may have lowered your standards.

Severely.

Unless the person is your boss, no one should be that negative and mean to you so that when the person actually smiles or acts like a decent human being you feel the need to rejoice.

Sometimes it is hard to separate oneself from another person’s toxicity or moods, but if someone makes you feel bad or like you want to eat a box of nails when you are around her or him, it is time to say “au revoir douchebag.”

If you find yourself making excuses for someone all the time…

You are either a parent in public with your child…or putting up with too much bullshit from a jerk who needs to be kicked to the curb or taken out of your life.

People make excuses because they’re either too ashamed to tell the truth or they’re not ready to admit it…and when we make excuses for others, it’s for the same reasons. If you find yourself excusing someone constantly for his or her shit behavior, then it is time to evaluate if you really need someone in your life or not.

if you feel dirty after an interaction with someone…

You either just rolled in mud, are a pervert, or really need to cut that person out of your life. You should never roll around with pigs or hang out with people that don’t share the same morals and values as you because you don’t want to be in jail bending over for the rest of your life, do you?

if you feel insecure around someone..

You either need to work on yourself, or get away from that person. No one should make you feel so flawed that you can’t formulate a sentence or feel so fragile around them that you panic.

We aren’t made to be alone. We are pack creatures, but if you keep choosing jerk-offs to join your pack then like weak animals, you too will croak. Life is too short to be around people who don’t value us, and as much as we are all flawed and bad people at times, no one should be around someone that makes them feel worthless.

This therapy session brought to you by chocolate.