What If What You Believe About Yourself Is a Lie?

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The other morning I did my usual morning meditation but chose a guided meditation on self-esteem. One of the questions asked was what is a negative view or thought we hold of ourselves? Typically these negative viewpoints/thoughts come from an experience, person or time in our childhood or adolescence. Right away, I knew what that negative thought was. We were told to think on it… to decide if we felt if it was true. To consider if we are ready to let that thought or view go, or if we are ready to consider that that thought we have about ourselves may be completely false.

I knew exactly from the moment it was asked what negative view I’ve held of myself for quite some time. I know exactly– or about where this thought originated from– or how it grew into a monstrous bad belief/self- view. As I meditated, I started to cry. I realized that for many, many, many years, I have held onto this thought or belief, including being surrounded by one or two people back in my past who confirmed this negative self-belief of mine.

It’s funny. We often don’t know why negative or bad people come into our lives, but I think it often stems from our own bad beliefs of ourselves. These negative people confirm our own bad thoughts about ourselves. The experience then “confirms” that we are indeed, bad or not good. We then continue to choose bad people who then repeatedly confirm these negative thoughts … these people then provide us with bad experiences and so we say, “Look! I told you. I am horrible. If I weren’t horrible, this wouldn’t have happened.”

This is why it is so key to have self-love and self-esteem. When we love ourselves and care for ourselves, we pick partners, people and friends in our lives who love us and care for us. I have noticed that since my divorce, I have chosen better people and better situations for myself because my self-esteem has improved. I am attracted to good people—and I spend my time with only good people. Good men and good women. I distance myself from people who don’t make me feel comfortable, and I spend time with people who make me feel happy and good. I am no longer attracted to “bad boys” as I was in my twenties, and I find good men– kind hearted folks, appealing.

Self-esteem really is everything. Ask yourself if what you believe about yourself is really true… or not.

Lovingly,

Laura

Forgiving Yourself Is As Important As Forgiving Others

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Growing up with parents coming from two different religious backgrounds has so many pluses. One is it has made me more open to others’ viewpoints. At the same time, I don’t feel aligned with any religion really. I do find both Jewish and Christian traditions interesting and meaningful. So, I am spiritual but I’m not religious.

But for the first year ever, I thought about what Yom Kippur really means. Asking for forgiveness for sins and forgiveness of others. Supposedly, it’s the time of year where G-d decides your fate and therefore, you’ve got to make amends, and fast.

I thought about who I would apologize to, however anyone I may have wronged I’ve certainly apologized to. And if there’s anyone out there I offended, well, I am truly sorry!

But I think the person I am most sorry to is myself. For being so hard on myself.
The way I’ve talked to myself and about myself.
The way I’ve judged myself and compared myself.
The way I’ve doubted myself and criticized myself.
The way I talk to myself is most often, much harder than how I’ve talked to anyone else!
It is like I’m in some competition where the goals to be fabulous are so high and not obtainable that I beat myself to death for not being enough.
But if there is one thing I am, it is tenacious and persistent. I try so hard to be my best self. To be better. To do better. Be a better mom. Person. Partner. Friend. Worker. Etc.

Here is what I don’t do: give myself a break. Be kind to myself. Compliment myself. Believe in myself.

So here is a huge apology to myself for being so bad to myself at times.

Lovingly,

Laura

5 Ways I’m Committing to Myself and My Happiness

I have realized how important it is to prioritize my happiness and my child’s, especially during this pandemic. Life really seems to be a repeat of the same day sometimes, and the relative or moderate isolation we experience in comparison to our former lives is difficult.
I just couldn’t waste another minute being counter productive to my happiness in a time when things are already so terribly difficult and uncertain. These are the 5 things I’m doing to prioritize myself and my well being and happiness.

Meditation

This practice keeps me in the moment. It teaches me how to focus, relax and be mindful of how my emotions play into how I feel, physically and mentally.

Not Compromising

It’s important to me to make sure I get what I deserve. Meaning, I’m treated the way I should be. I won’t comprise on settling for less when I deserve the best. I won’t tolerate being friends or dating someone who doesn’t truly show me how important I am and show me how he or she values me. In the same vein, I promise to give myself back to others what they deserve. I promise to be a great friend and partner, giving others my full attention. This is what meditation also helps with— staying in the moment.

Movement

Whether it’s weight training with IFS or stretching or doing yoga, dance … committing to moving my body and caring for it is very vital to my happiness. This also means taking rest days. Taking time to stretch. I’ve injured myself by pushing myself too hard and I can’t afford to do that.

Boundaries

This means not answering work emails late at night at ten pm— unless urgent obviously. I have to be present at work but also, present for my kid. This is so important right now. This also means requiring any freelance clients to not short change me, ask me to do free work or walk all over me. This means telling people what I want, what I don’t want and what I won’t settle for. It means abiding by my values and needs. Asking for what I need and not feeling bad about it.

Daily Way

To be happy, living day by day is the way. When I look too far ahead, sometimes even just a week ahead, I feel anxious and sad considering how the world currently is today. By living in the moment and in the day, I am more present to myself and others.

With love,

Laura

How Someone Treats You Is a Reflection of Who They Are

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Someone hurt my feelings a bit ago, and I found myself wondering what I had done to earn such behavior. When I dug deep, I realized I had done … nothing. When I spoke to a confidante about the matter, the person said plainly:

This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with this person’s self- view and own issues.

This is good advice.

How people treat us is often an indicator of how they view themselves and feel about themselves, more than anything.
Self- esteem and confidence. Past issues. These factor into many of our behaviors when we interact with others.

So, the next time someone hurts you remind yourself that this person’s actions are a reflection of how he/ she feels about him or herself. It has nothing to do with you.
Not to mention, your actions are in relation to how you feel about yourself.

All we can do is control our own actions. We can’t control if others hurt us or make bad choices. We can just choose how to respond and move forward.

Be Strong,

Laura

When We Are Unlovable

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When we are unlovable, we feel impossibly alone and adrift. We feel our most fragile and frightened.

None of us are without flaws. When we are at our absolute worst, we are reminded of every single one of those things that make us imperfect and human.

But in your mind sometimes, it feels as if all you might be is incapable, weak, incomplete and unlovable.

The core fear that perhaps we will stay in that ocean alone forever, with our flaws and insecurities is enough to break the human spirit, extinguishing it from all mankind.

None of us want to feel as if we are not understood or are impossible to love.

Each and every one of us inside is dying to connect to someone else. To feel secure and loved.

To not be navigating this world alone with all of its storms and waves.

Because when we do, it Is easy to sink and not return. To feel as if resurfacing is too hard and that the territory is too vast.

For Peace,

Laura

Is Your Life Full of Meaningful People & Purpose?

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We all have a reason and purpose for being here, although some may argue that there is no purpose at all other than existing. But in my opinion, I believe we all have a path to carve as we are here on Earth.

We all have people, things and activities that propel us to wake up every day. Inside of all of us, is a light. Some of us are able to harness that light and shine it to others well, and some people, not at all. Maybe that person is not “well.” Maybe that person is depressed or traumatized. Whatever the case, we all want to shine that light, whether we feel able to or not. And at different times in our lives, we may be able to focus that light and share it with others whereas in other times, we may feel dark and dim.

I know that I personally feel my absolute brightest, when I am able to give love to others and feel needed and wanted in return. I feel lit from within as well, when I am creative, whether through writing or dance. Singing. Working together on an idea.

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10 Sayings Every Strong Woman in Her 40’s Should Embrace

There comes a time in your life as a woman when you embrace every last quirk you have, flaunt your strengths and accept your weaknesses like a queen meeting her subjects.

That time is 40.

It’s not that you are cocky or “better-than.” It’s just that as a strong independent 40-year-old woman you own who you truly are with no apologies. And if you are guilty of apologizing too much, (hands up—that’s me!) you know this is your issue, and you own your issues. Your baggage is baggage, but it’s yours and wholly-owned.

I wish so much I could go back to my twenty-something year-old self and shake her. Have a talk with her. A stern talking to. . .

With my thirty-year-old self, I’d do the same thing, but with a little more finesse. I was more polished at 30 than 20, obviously.

For all of you ladies stepping into or currently owning your forties, you’ll find that these quotes or sayings will resonate with you. When you’re feeling not so strong or need a pick-me-up or a reminder of how great you are, read these.

Read More: 10 Sayings Every Strong Woman in Her 40’s Should Embrace

Work It,

Laura

 

4 Reasons Not Giving A F*** Has Made Me Happier

There’s this popular book out there called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Mansonthat is on everyone’s lips, and it’s not just because of the provocative title.

It’s the reality that so many of us care about everything—what people think. How we stack up to other people. How we handle tough times. How we manage stress. We care, care and care so hard and often, we are left depleted by caring and fretting over stuff that we cannot change.

While I haven’t read this book, my first thought was how it was interesting a man wrote this. I say this only because women seem to care so much more about what others think than men do, albeit I’ve done no scientific research to back up that fact.

I can just say with my own honesty that I’ve spent a lot of time in my life caring and giving so many f*cks and often about people and things that I shouldn’t have blinked twice about that it is a vital life lesson to learn not to give an F.

It’s hard. I am sensitive. I am emotional and passionate. I love people. I like people to like me. But as I’ve gotten older, I have learned how important it is to stop caring about what I cannot change and not worry about what others think about me as much.

Read More: 4 Reasons Not Giving A F*** Has Made Me Happier

Not Giving One F,

Laura

9 Signs You’re WAY Hotter At 30 Than You Were At 20

Ladies, don’t take this the wrong way because you’re gorgeous at any and every age, but there is something about moving past your twenties that takes a woman from hot to intoxicating. I don’t think I’m the only one who thinks this, either.

But unless you’re skeptical and wondering how getting older can make you “hotter,” remember that sex appeal and beauty are not just about the absence of wrinkles or a perky butt. Sex appeal is a more sophisticated beast than just symmetrical and appealing facial features with a nice body to match.

Here are 9 reasons why you’re hotter in your thirties than your twenties.

1. You don’t worry about looking perfect.

When you’re in your twenties, your outfit, your makeup, your shoes, your everything has to be just right. Even if your look is boho chic, your “look” must be right. This desire for everything to be perfect is normal but stifling.

There’s something really sexy about not caring what you look like (within reason). And the older you get, the less likely you are to panic about these things; instead, you wear what you like and what works and don’t worry about if it’s just right.

Read More: 9 Signs You’re WAY Hotter At 30 Than You Were At 20

Confidence is Key,

Laura

Get It Together, Girl: 13 Signs Your Life Is A Hot Freaking MESS

We hate to break it to you, BUT…

We all have heartaches, down periods, tribulations and stressors in our life. When you take a mental photograph of your whole life from birth to today, chances are you’re going to have some serious grey and black splotches.

But overall, you wake up each day and do what you have to do. You’ve got it together. Unless of course, you’re a hot freaking mess! 

No doubt, if you’re a catastrophic mess, people know it. The bad news is most likely, people are judging you or being empathetic toward you. The good news is every one becomes a mess now and then. But when your life has a constant orange roadblock sign in it and every one, including yourself, decides that your life is a big pile of sh*t, that’s where the problems arise.

Here are 13 signs your life is a hot mess.

Read More: Get It Together, Girl: 13 Signs Your Life Is A Hot Freaking MESS

Pull it Together Now,

Laura