What It’s Really Like to Accept Something You Can’t Change

One of the hardest things to accept is being unable to change something or someone that you care about. Of course, we’re all supposed to love someone as he or she is– but, there are times when we want a partner to change an unhealthy habit, get help or do something for us or our relationship. But as much as you may want this change, your partner or love interest may not. This is heartbreaking.

Consider this:

  • The partner with a bad drug habit
  • The partner with an untreated mental health disease
  • The partner who won’t commit or move forward
  • The partner who wants a divorce when we don’t

Sometimes, there are situations we want to change, not people, but we cannot.

Like:

  • Working conditions
  • Our health
  • Financial matters

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7 Mental Getaways to Take This Summer

I’d love a real tropical vacation, complete with hot cabana boy and a lot of girly mixed drinks, but unfortunately, it’s not in my budget. I’m sure many of you can relate: you’re jonesing for a vacay, but your budget screams “Don’t even splurge on that mani-pedi for a few weeks.”

But this doesn’t mean that you can’t relish and delight in the relaxation that the summer heat screams. I know it’s not the same as an island or a European tour or Iceland cruise, but you can take these 7 mental vacations to really capitalize on the summer sunshine and get yourself (and your perspective) refreshed.

7 New Year’s Resolutions to Ditch This Year

t’s a timeless tradition: the New Year Resolution.

We resolve to make them by year’s end and then, as it approaches the end of January, suddenly, we’re completely off track. The key to making those resolutions stick is to form and word them like an actual habit and keep the resolutions simple. Another way to stay on target? Recruit a friend! A friend of mine and I emailed each other our resolutions and reached out on a quarterly basis to see how we were both doing and hold each other accountable. Truly, the buddy system works! Where I failed in 2018 with my resolutions was making too many. In typical fashion, I bit off more than I could chew and at times, my resolutions were too complex. Overall though, I did pretty well considering. For 2019 however, I’m going to stick to just a few and keep it simple.

Another reality of resolutions is we often make ones that are not realistic or concretely helpful. So, to all you single mommas out there trying to pin down your resolutions and goals for 2019, here are some resolutions you can kick to the curb or revise, and exchange for resolutions that are:

  1. Easier to follow and make habit
  2. Realistic and positive

Let’s get started!

REDO THE LOSE WEIGHT RESOLUTION

Many women (and men) make the “I’m losing weight goal,” only to be sidelined by well, cookies, cakes and leftover macaroni and cheese their kids didn’t finish.

Read More: 7 New Year Resolutions to Ditch This Year

Just DO It,

Laura

The State of Wellness

Being well. Eating organic. Avoiding GMO’s. Making sure you’re part of a Crossfit “box.” Never using anything that has toxins on your skin. Doing yoga at least twice a week. Having a life coach.

If you are not taking your wellness seriously…you are ill! Incredibly ill. 

And a failure as a human being, completely, don’t you know?

Being well isn’t just feeling healthy and happy these days. It’s a full on business, complete with Kool-Aid sold to you at sometimes, exorbitant prices, with the goal of you being the most fit, green, and organic human being on the Earth. Forget keeping up with the Joneses; these days, it’s “out-rawing” your neighbor and making sure your home is so Feng Shui’d out that you are the most “well” person on the planet. These days it’s ensuring you can out “burpee” and bench press your fellow citizen and then brag that you haven’t ate a cooked piece of meat or used a skincare product with the word “paraben” on the label in order to know that indeed:

You. Are. Well!

Don’t get me wrong. I love running, the gym, ballet and eating healthy, but you won’t catch me going vegan or meditating every second. Although truth be told, a little meditation would be good for me! The fact is being well and healthy is very important but we can’t have a life coach for every move we make and we can’t squat and burpee our way down every single hallway and through every event in our life. We can’t always keep calm and Zen, mantra-ing our way through the day with a side of Yoga and essential oil. Sometimes, you need a little caffeine, curse words, chocolate and a complete meltdown on your couch.

Read More: The State of Wellness

A Little Caffeinated & A Little Zen, Too

Laura

5 Things You Learn About Yourself While Running

I love doing a variety of fit activities, whether it’s a HIIT class, ballet, weight training, barre, running, or what have you. Each activity has a different body and mind benefit. When I dance, I can only think about each movement and everything else melts away. When I run . . . I can think about, well, everything.

Out of all the fit things I love to do, I find I do my best thinking while running. Perhaps it’s because running is something that comes automatically without much thought. Sure, you have to avoid tripping over a rock or slipping, but the movement is instinctual . . . fight or flight, right?

As I run, I find that my thoughts are clear and logical, and it allows me an emotional release. Whether I am making up solutions as I run miles or releasing feelings, I learn so much about myself while running. We all can. If we solely ran for the physical benefits, we’d probably find something easier to do, but there are so many mental benefits from running that you can’t help but be addicted to what running does to your brain.

1. You Learn How You Really Feel

When you run, don’t be surprised when every emotion comes pouring out of your body. Happiness and joy. Rapid quick thoughts of anxiety. Tears of sadness or joy. I can count on many fingers the amount of times I have been running and crying. Perhaps it should be my hashtag.

 

Read More: 5 Things You Learn About Yourself While Running

6 Life Lessons I Learned From Ballet

I always wanted to dance. Growing up, I wished to be enrolled in ballet but at the time, my parents couldn’t afford to send me. My older sisters had gone before me but financial fortune was not on my side. Once I hit high school and my parents could afford it, I started classes right away. When I went to college, I took more classes but still, I wasn’t good enough to make a living from dance so I eventually stopped.

But ballet is just so beautiful, it didn’t matter to me if I was the best or the worst. It felt great doing it. So finally, after a divorce, two moves, health issues, and a year from hell, I signed up again for an adult ballet class.

For just one hour a week, my financial stress, single-mom woes, dating dilemmas, ex-husband hassles, and other life stuff just melts away. My noisy brain is silent and strictly focused on assemblé, battement, and more. Every motion has my complete attention. I can’t bother to be sad, stressed, or think about the 50 million things on my to-do list. All I can be is in that very pose or position, whether in center or at the barre. Ballet’s beauty goes beyond the confines of the classroom; there are so many life lessons I have learned from my time dancing.

Read More: 6 Life Lessons I Learned From Ballet

 

Dance On,

Laura

How Anxiety Is Actually Like a Real Prison

You may be the boss of you as an adult, but when you have anxiety, it can feel as if you are never in charge. There may seem to always be something hovering over you and stealing the wheel from your hands when you least expect it. In so many ways, anxiety can operate like a prison. It’s a sentence that you didn’t ask to serve or do anything to bring it on — most likely anxiety was handed to you by genetics or a traumatic situation — but it’s one that many people deal with, whether as a short-term sentence or a life-behind-bars type of scenario. It took separating from a former partner for me to understand how it had affected me.

And it wasn’t just my anxiety that reared now and again (an occasional sentence? community service?) that hurt my progress emotionally, but it was being romantically involved with someone who held it against me, hovering over my head, trying to make me feel bad about myself. Using it as a weapon for control.

It made the anxiety worse, not better, and in that case, there were two prison guards and one operated more covertly than the other (the former partner, not the anxiety). As I walked away from the situation, I started to see the writing on the wall.

I realized I was worth something and that while I can be anxious, anxiety does not rule and will NOT rule me.

Read More: How Anxiety Is Actually Like a Real Prison

Set Yourself Free,

Laura

7 Things I Don’t Want You to Say When I’m Feeling Anxious

People mean well and want to help, but when someone is experiencing anxiety or feeling nervous, the last thing we need is more useless cliches that don’t help us one bit. It’s hard to understand anxiety unless you have experienced it. Most people have felt anxious in their lifetimes, but if you’ve ever experienced the glory of a panic attack or been so anxious you felt sick, you know why I see red when people say, “Just relax.”

Newsflash, Einstein: if we could just relax, we would.

This of course doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to manage your anxiety. When I am feeling anxious, exercise, deep breathing, stretching, and time with friends help me feel better. Sometimes it also means shutting down my cell phone and not bothering with anyone, minus my daughter.

But when someone tries to give you unhelpful advice about anxiety for the 50th time, it’s enough to make you want to check out of dodge for the weekend.

1. “Just Relax”

Look, do you have a magic wand to erase this feeling of dread? If you did, you would use it and if Idid, so would I. Telling me to “just relax” is not helpful.

Read More: 7 Things I Don’t Want You to Say When I’m Feeling Anxious

SSH,

Laura

7 Signs You Literally Have ZERO Respect For Yourself, Girl

You’re a great person. Trouble is, you don’t realize it. You’re too busy undermining your own worth that you’re not questioning how others treat you. In your eyes, people treat you badly because a) you think you deserve it, or b) you think you keep having “bad luck.”

The reality is, you’ve got no self-respect and therefore, you keep attracting some pretty undesirable people in your life. Here are seven signs you’ve got no self-respect and it’s seriously hurting your life.

  1. You’re the “doormat friend.”

If you’re always the one that people ask things for without giving back anything in return, you’re what they call a “doormat.” Do people get away with murder when it comes to you? Are you frequently left picking up other people’s messes? Do people just expect that “you’ll do it”?

If you answered yes, you’ve got no self-respect and are letting people walk all over you.

Read More: 7 Signs You Literally Have ZERO Respect For Yourself, Girl

It’s the Truth,

Laura

 

Beyond Fertility: Why You Need to Pay Attention to Your Period

When you first got your period you probably experienced a combination of excitement — “I’m a woman!” — and dread — “Ugh, is this going to suck every month?” And if you are lucky, your cycle has been a regular and predictable ever since you wore your first maxi pad, but for many of us, our periods can become an outright problem.

I delivered my daughter via C-section and have had two D&C’s (dilation and curettage) due to miscarriages, and after the last D&C I noticed my periods weren’t the same. While I had always had lighter periods than some of my friends, they had a consistently normal flow lasting around three days and came every 27-28 days. Suddenly, it was as if my period came and went in two days and then only occasionally, and I would spot for days on end afterward. Wondering to myself what the problem could be, I started to go through the three questions a woman might ask if her period was light or absent:

Read More: Beyond Fertility: Why You Need to Pay Attention to Your Period

 

Be Informed,

Laura