The Man/Woman Who Push-Pulls Your Relationship: What You Need to Know

You have someone in your life, male or female, who comes close to you, and then drifts further away. This person approaches you on his or her terms, gets involved, and then runs for cover while you’re left feeling abandoned, doubtful of yourself and in pain.

Sound familiar?

Welcome to the push-pull cycle. Where the partner comes in, withdraws, comes in and withdraws again, all to your detriment.

Why the hell is this happening? Why does this man/woman do this? I bet you’ve said all of those things, more than fifty times in your own head.

In my twenties, I experienced this for a bit with a guy. I ended up cutting it off, and we became friends right away. Thank god. He was a much better friend, then a sexual partner and boyfriend, and I was happy to offer friendship. Years later, he kicks himself and says how beautiful I am and wonderful. We are still friends, years later! We’ve been there for each other through a lot. It’s pretty awesome.

Trust me– I see how he aged and how I aged. He regrets it. He was afraid I was too free-spirited for a committed relationship. It turns out I wasn’t, but at least we could be friends … and for 15 years!

If you are reading this page and landed here like me, you probably are the one who is being pushed and pulled away. You probably feel really bad about yourself, wondering why this person would do this to you. You probably feel down about yourself, wondering what you did wrong. You probably feel downright crazy.

Wipe your tears, get your sexiest outfit or– whip out your razors boys, and stop blaming yourself.

Learn what’s what with this push-pull character

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A Day in the Life of My DDDDs

6 AM: Morning arrives much earlier than I would like. (Thank you, adulthood.) While my soul is crushed that the alarm has sounded and I have, in short order, exceeded the maximum number of snooze hits, there is one delightfully happy part of me: my boobs.

My boobs greet the morning with unadulterated joy. Why are my boobs so happy, you may ask? Because freedom. Unlike the rest of me, they awaken in an unguarded state of leisure.

6:15 AM: I hit the shower. My chest continues flying free. Life is good as a braless 30DDDD/30F UK/30G EU (damn, bra sizes are complicated) woman in the morning.

But as every woman knows, she’s only as good as her best-fitting over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. As great as freedom feels, it’s time to secure the girls in a bra that will help them live their best life as I go out and live mine.

Read More: A Day in the Life of My DDDDs

Best Boobs Forward,

Laura

12 Women Share the Compliment That Made Them Feel Amazing

Words aren’t always cheap, and talk isn’t always hot air. One compliment can do a lot to a heart that was so happy to hear it. Genuine notes of appreciation go so far with someone. It’s amazing, powerful, and a bit scary to know that what you say to someone can impact him or her for the bad . . . or good . . . forever. I still remember the time one of my favorite people said he was proud of me and how my daughter is lucky to have me.

I spoke to women who shared with me the words that someone said to them that impacted their hearts for the better. What has someone said to you that made you feel amazing?

1-“I was walking down the street and a young woman stopped me and said, ‘Excuse me, you’re beautiful.’ I was stunned.”

2-“My sweetie says I light up the room when I walk in.”

3-“A man said I’m the most beautiful woman he knew in real life and that I was the smartest person he knew.”

Read More:  12 Women Share the Compliment That Made Them Feel Amazing

Say Something Sweet,

Laura

9 Signs You’re WAY Hotter At 30 Than You Were At 20

Ladies, don’t take this the wrong way because you’re gorgeous at any and every age, but there is something about moving past your twenties that takes a woman from hot to intoxicating. I don’t think I’m the only one who thinks this, either.

But unless you’re skeptical and wondering how getting older can make you “hotter,” remember that sex appeal and beauty are not just about the absence of wrinkles or a perky butt. Sex appeal is a more sophisticated beast than just symmetrical and appealing facial features with a nice body to match.

Here are 9 reasons why you’re hotter in your thirties than your twenties.

1. You don’t worry about looking perfect.

When you’re in your twenties, your outfit, your makeup, your shoes, your everything has to be just right. Even if your look is boho chic, your “look” must be right. This desire for everything to be perfect is normal but stifling.

There’s something really sexy about not caring what you look like (within reason). And the older you get, the less likely you are to panic about these things; instead, you wear what you like and what works and don’t worry about if it’s just right.

Read More: 9 Signs You’re WAY Hotter At 30 Than You Were At 20

Confidence is Key,

Laura

Get It Together, Girl: 13 Signs Your Life Is A Hot Freaking MESS

We hate to break it to you, BUT…

We all have heartaches, down periods, tribulations and stressors in our life. When you take a mental photograph of your whole life from birth to today, chances are you’re going to have some serious grey and black splotches.

But overall, you wake up each day and do what you have to do. You’ve got it together. Unless of course, you’re a hot freaking mess! 

No doubt, if you’re a catastrophic mess, people know it. The bad news is most likely, people are judging you or being empathetic toward you. The good news is every one becomes a mess now and then. But when your life has a constant orange roadblock sign in it and every one, including yourself, decides that your life is a big pile of sh*t, that’s where the problems arise.

Here are 13 signs your life is a hot mess.

Read More: Get It Together, Girl: 13 Signs Your Life Is A Hot Freaking MESS

Pull it Together Now,

Laura

15 Things Every Smart Woman Should Do Before She Turns The Big 4-0

The big 4-0. It will come before you know it. So in the meantime, you need to live your thirties to the fullest. The thirties are so fabulous because you’re settled in who you are, and in many cases, settled in a career. You’re not a newbie or a “youngin” anymore, but you’re still vivacious enough to take risks, go out for a night of fun, and your sexy age makes you adored by young and old.

The fact is your confidence is sexier than your wrinkle-free, 20-year-old face and you know it. Your friendships are established, and while you’re still interested in exploring yourself and the world, you know where you’re headed or where you want to go. So before you clock in at 4-0, if you’re a smart woman, do these 15 things.

1. Don’t be afraid to ask for a raise.

You’ve worked hard, so why not? After being in your field or at a certain position for a while, you’ve paid your dues. Ask for the raise and get the salary you want now so it pays off later when you ask for another raise or move to another job with better pay.

Read More: 15 Things Every Smart Woman Should Do Before She Turns The Big 4-0

Just Do It!

Laura

7 Reasons Everyone’s *Slightly* Afraid Of An Independent Woman

An independent woman sounds oh-so-sexy, but why then are so many people afraid of an independent woman?

There are many reasons and most of them are never directly stated; instead, they’re implied and internalized. As one of those “independent” women, I often feel that, for men, perhaps it’s not that I’m not “enough” for them, but that I’m too much.

Other than car repairs and fixing things, I take care of everything. Yes, I’m one of those women who knows when she needs to ask either a man or woman for help, and that’s when it involves repairs.

So if you’re an independent woman who can’t meet the right guy, or has a tough time with friendships or colleagues — or are a man who’s in love with an independent woman — read on!

Read More: 7 Reasons Everyone’s *Slightly* Afraid Of An Independent Woman

Scared?

Laura

A new Birth: Birthing me

This year I was supposed to be the proud owner of two kids.

Guess what? I wasn’t.

We did not have a baby again, in March of 2013.

Our only kid was born in March of ’11.

It sucked, basically. Roughest time, and it really showed which family and friends were there for us. Isn’t it funny how some family members can be the crappiest during the roughest time of our lives?

I digress.

Anywhoo, I blogged about this loss, and while this was easily one of the roughest years in my life, something big came of it all.

I birthed me.

Cue the new age music. Cue the Yanni. Break out the Dr. Phil and Oprah.

When you have a baby, your personality and goals can really be shoved by the way side because let’s face it, the kid’s needs are way more important, and hell, you’ve got a lot to figure out now that you’re a mom. You and Dad or you and your partner need to figure out the rigmarole of a new life. It’s stressful, however joyful it may be.

And no one can express to you how hard it will be, but it is.

I endured 3 sick pregnancies– January 2010 to August 2012, and so my goals and life were drastically different from when I had first graduated Columbia.

This year, as sad as it has been, has also brought me many great things.

A new job–a real job, one I like and can learn a lot from.

An almost finished memoir. I give myself until November for it to be done.

My comedy act is on the stage again.

I’m freelancing.

I see friends.

I decided that if I wanted to be happy, I had to do everything in my own power to make myself happy. I couldn’t wait for it to come to me. I couldn’t let life’s stressors and disappointments keep me from moving ahead. I had to move ahead no matter what was put in my path. No matter who deserted me or supported me. No matter what fell my way.

If I want happiness and some semblance of a life, I have to make that happen.

And I am.

And this is a major thing.

It is hard because I am juggling a lot, and I am missing out too,. Making one choice means eliminating another choice, and that is never easy, but it is life.

As alone as I have felt this year, I am not alone because I have myself. I am stronger than I give myself credit for, and more capable too.

I only wish I could remember this.

I feel it’s a flawless female socialized gene to doubt ourselves or feel bad for what we want.

I know that this year is already onto greater things, even if it means I am one year older and one step closer to Botox. PS. having a cute dermatologist doesn’t help the matter.

I just have to remember to keep moving ahead for happiness, even when things are low. My daughter stands to gain so much from a mother who always moves ahead with her head held high, and the rewards from my good choices will float on down to her, the most important person in my life.

 

See? I learned all that without any self-help books, Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, or psychotherapy (although I am a believer in therapy).

This message was brought to you by the tiniest dose of self-esteem, and ice cream cake, dairy’s answer to anti-depressants.

Cheers!